Losing bowel control...please give me Suggestions?

by Paddling Slowly
(Up that Creek)

My very proud, bitter and angry 92 year old father is basically blind, cannot hear and now is losing control of his bowels.

He is outrageously stubborn, will not wear his glasses or even discuss a hearing aid, and now I notice that he is hiding multiple pairs of underwear in the cushions of the couch! (Long story....when I go to his house to do laundry, it is like a demented and gross Easter Egg Hunt...yikes!)

I did go into the room and removed them, washed them and put them in his drawer, hoping it would open up conversation...but no dice.

If I suggest the adult diaper Depends, I know he will go bat-poo crazy...no pun intended.

He has now found a new hiding place, which I have not been able to find. I am about to ask him where his underwear are...please pray for me as I am going to unleash a SNIT from him like no other. I am sure he is going commando at the present time.

Should I silently throw away all underwear and replace with disposable ones? Thoughts? Will I be the first daughter murdered in cold blood for having the audacity to suggest an easy alternative?

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Losing Bowel Control...
by: kaypasa

Poor girl! I would actually do as you mentioned. Leave him no alternative (except for going commando and that opens up a whole new can of worms)by removing his undies and replacing them with disposables.

That opens the dialogue. Tell him what you did, tell him why - to save him embarrassment and you work - and then high tail it out of there, Kiddo.

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Fear.
by: Leasa

There seems to be a common emotion in almost all of these threads and that is fear. I don't understand it, as I had a lot of this too. I was so afraid of upsetting my mother, and to this day I do not know why.

We must start looking at these elderly nightmares as people first, parents second. What's to fear? Where is the rational thought?

Okay, enough of that. When I worked with the elderly, there was always a reason for changed behaviour. Why is he incontinent? Is the stool soft, runny, hard? Is he eating food that is spoiled and therefore getting the runs? Is he constipated? Is the stool black? Black or coffee ground stool indicates a possibility of cancer and can explain incontinence.

You will have to drag your dad kicking and screaming to a doctor, be frank and honest while there and get to the root of the problem.

Also, remind him that although you do love him, you are not obligated to him and a little appreciation would be nice. If he goes into a snit, walk out and if he does it again, walk out and don't stay until he treats you with a little respect.

Hope this helps. P.S. there are no 'easy fixes'.

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Depends for dad
by: Anonymous

Have you considered discussing the issue with his doctor?
Having a professional third party intervene might help. Or maybe a male member of the family could talk with him

Otherwise, Might not be a bad idea to put depends in his underwear drawer.

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