Long Distance Care for my Dad...Very Difficult.

by Suzanne

Our 70 year old Dad suddenly had changes in his health and mentally seemed like something was wrong. He had a brain tumor removed and has stage 4 lung cancer. After a month in and out of hospital and rehab we got him home.

After 2 weeks of moving around and seeming to improve, he is now deteriorating. He refuses to change clothing or wash, and refuses to go up stairs to shower even with a home health aide we hired. He has soiled his pants and over the phone I was able to convince him to allow my sister to help him clean up.

I am in another state and my sister and her husband can no longer make the 2-3 time a day stops to see to it he eats and takes his medication. We have hired home health care and they have been sporadic. Tonight we find he needs full time care and can not get up from chair without assistance. Doctor appointment showed oxygen is at 35%, hemoglobin low and he needed IV fluid. However, they would not admit him to hospital.

We feel we need him to have skilled nursing care. We tried to have Hospice come to the house but he was so upset by the word Hospice he got angry at us for planning the end of his life. We don't know how to get him the help he needs.

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Take Care with Your Words
by: Christine

If "hospice" upsets him, then don't say "hospice." Say palliative care, or long-term care, or anything that will get him to at least listen to someone. Then you call hospice and explain your situation.

The best love you can give your father is to get him the(correct)care he needs, regardless of what you need to do or say to make that happen.

Best wishes to you and your family.

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