I currently have my mother staying with my husband and I because she has Dementia. I have three sisters. None of them have even a fraction invested in caring for our mother. Granted my oldest sister is suffering from brain cancer and understandably unable to contribute physically to Mom's care.
The next oldest sister lives hundreds of miles away but calls periodically to see how Mom is doing.
She even has sent me money because she "appreciates" all that I'm doing for Mom. Recently this sister flew hundreds of miles with her husband over Labor Day weekend to spend visiting family.
Her and her husband were here 3 days and they visited Mom for a whole 45 minutes that entire stay!! My 3rd sister lives an hour away. She visits 3 to 4 times a month.
She has a part-time job blowing a whistle at children on a playground at a local school but won't quit this job to help more with Mom. I asked her the other day if she would sit with Mom while I went to a scheduled doctor's appointment and she said "You do realize it costs me $20 in gas to come out there, right?" So of course I feel resentment.
They all tell me they knew this was going to happen... that I would get burned out as a 24/7 caregiver and turn it around as they did something wrong.
I have yet to find a forum that does not give these "hands-off-caring" siblings an excuse. All I read is that "This is there way of coping with the situation" or "Perhaps you need to directly ask them how they can help". Why is this acceptable?