Living with Nan!

by Rain
(Hampshire, England )

A year ago my husband and I had to leave our rented house. We couldn't afford to rent elsewhere and couldn't buy. He has no family left and my parents live 60 miles away. We decided to move in with my Nan who lives near us as I had always been there for her, lived with her before and it made sense. We agreed it would be company but to give it a year or so and if she didn't need any further care we would move out and rent near by so I can still come and see her most days, pop in on the way home etc. He is nearly 50 and I am 42.

The last few months have been increasingly difficult she moans all the time, if we go out if we stay in. We do not want to watch soaps so we do spend a lot of time upstairs. We both work full time with high pressured jobs and when we come home we want to relax.

I no longer know the meaning of the word relax. I don't do anything for myself, my husband is sick of the moaning and constant complaining and wants to move out, he will live in a tent in a field, he doesn't care.

He can't live like this anymore. She has 4 other grandchildren and they don't so much as call her once a week to say hi, but she constantly makes excuses for that family(my uncle) he and his can do no wrong.

My mum does loads for her and just because my uncle comes to see her every 4 weeks or so and does odd jobs, she always praises him, he is wonderful, mum does nothing. It upsets my mum and when I stick up for mum, Nan moans at me., uncles is retired and only lives 20 miles away.

Mum works full
time and has a grandchild, uncle doesn't. I am piggy in the middle all the time and I feel my life is passing me by. I know she is old. But she is perfectly functioning (sight is a bit bad) I cant even go on holiday without having to remember to call her!

If I work late I have to let her know, my life seems to revolve around her and I can't cope anymore my anxiety is over the hill, I don't sleep and I have gone from someone who dresses nice, hair and nails always perfect to looking like a mess because I just can't do anything for myself.

I can't even have a day off and relax with a box set or something. I can't lay in at the weekend as I get the 'oh afternoon' comment. There is NO talking to her, as far as she is concerned she is always right, no one else matters, she should be center of attention at all times, and have all the respect but gives none to anyone else.

She is 90 and will probably live way into her hundreds as most of her family did, there is no way I can be living with her into my 50's and hubby into his 60's how can I make her understand that!?

We want to be gone by the end of the year but I don't know how to tell her as I don't want her upset. She has left me her house in her will (have to buy at undervalue) and doing all this work on it - which I have told her not too because it is NOT to my taste she hasn't bothered asking me what I would like, I know it will be a huge argument and probably result in her Changing her will but I am past caring now. I am at a loss....

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