(Alta Loma, California)
Mom was 82 when she moved in with us in CA. She's now 85. She lived with us for 2 1/2 years. She suddenly threw her clothes in the car and headed back to Bullhead City, AZ in a huff over a year ago.
We were good to her, but we had no clue what was wrong. We tried to get an answer as to what was happening, but nothing made sense. We provided her with everything she needed; home cooked meals, a pretty, remodeled room and we took time off work to take her to the doctor. In short, we tried to make her happy while she was here.
I worked full time and she was probably lonely a lot, since I came home tired from teaching all day and needed some space. Now, she seems to hate me and blames me for everything. It is not possible to talk things out rationally or sequentially to resolve her feelings towards me. She says," Oh, you just don't like us old people, and that's the way it is, etc." She tells others we stole from her, she has given away things we gave her, and constantly complains about her health.
Mom and I have begun to argue and she seems to hate me. In the little time we spend together, our communications are horrible. For many years, I took care of her and made sure I took time off work to take her to see family in Texas, Oregon, WA, etc. We took her on family vacations, included her
in our events, and helped her financially each month.
Although funds were limited, we even bought her a nice car. Now she refuses to have anything to do with some in my family. She dislikes my son, her grandson. Just last year, we helped her get a better hearing aide, but her hearing is still severely diminished. She has many ailments, has only one arm since birth, and we don't know how to help her.
She gets some help from my brother, who tries to go by and visit her several times a week, but she lives alone in a small retirement trailer in Bullhead and has little contact with anyone. She still tries to drive short distances, but thankfully, is slowly giving that up.
My sister in law tried to get her Meals on Wheels, but she decided it was "garbage." She has medication for anxiety and depression, but since she left here, I don't think she takes the right combinations or follows the prescribed instructions. There are many activities for seniors where she lives, but she won't participate.
She had many family and friends at one time, but everyone is gone. I am in deep heartache and feeling rejected and confused. I'm sure she is feeling the same. I need to find some peace of mind for us both before it's too late. We have had many angry outbursts.
I try to understand but she seems to want to cut me to the core as if I am the target of her frustrations. Any suggestions would be so appreciated.