Letter To a Friend
How are you doing this week? How is your world? Mine sucks.
I've been Steppin' and Fetchin' for mom daily. Yesterday I went to 5 or 6 stores, it's just ridiculous. She runs out of salmon oil vitamins, I have to run get them. She needs hand lotion, go get it. She writes a letter or pays a bill, out it must go. I wish we lived in the boonies, she would've learned a long time ago, that shopping trips are once a week. You make a list, shop one day, and if you forgot something, you do without until next week.
Every time she sends me out, as soon as I step in the door, schlepping twenty plastic bags hanging all off my body, sweating like a pig, she says, "Do you know what we forgot?". Yeah, I forgot to keep driving on past the house and never return.
I need a vacation in the mountains sooooo bad.
I try to maintain but you know there is no fooling your body and spirit when it comes to stress. I can take two walks a day, ride my bike, do things with friends, but if there is stress, then there is stress. I can feel it building in me. And I wonder what the hell toll it is taking on my health, mental and physical, when I just have to stuff it and keep on doing the very things that are causing it.
I know these are the things big diseases are made of. I need to unwind, relax, decompress, not have to think of my mother for....well, a minute would be nice. Imagine what a day or two would feel like.
Oh boy, this week is going to be rough, trying to wrap up work at my job and wanting to leave and having to do fifty thousand things for my mom. And then she always gets on this kick that she has to have like a Bunker-Militia-Doomsday list of supplies in the house before I leave in case she runs out of chap stick or something.
I'm going to have to step back and take a breath. I think acknowledging the stress I'm feeling and not trying to fake it helps a lot more than being in denial and placating myself with some stupid affirmation like "be here now". Yeah, right, just where I want to be.
Last night I had this dream that I took mom to some meeting of some group she belonged to and she sat up front and I sat in the back and I saw you and a bunch of our friends all come in and sit on the same row as her. And I thought, God, I'm so out of the loop that my mom belongs to the same group as my friends!
What does it mean, grasshopper?