Left to take care of Mom (lifelong strained relationship) TN

by ED

Youngest of three , only daughter, I am 57., Dad,and two brothers suicides before they were 45. Mom remarried when I was 10 - divorced him when I was 39 (She wanted the divorce). Had lots of $$$$$$$ money from divorce, other family members took advantage, investment - money gone. Remarried for 6 yrs now, to man who has no other family (no kids, brothers, sisters), which makes me his closest relative. Mom has dementia, mom angry and bitter about money and doesn't remember how all of that was given to her and lost by her.

Thinks now, after 19 years she can still get money from ex husband, Current husband drives her to attorney (because she has gotten lost several times on her own) to see about getting money from ex. Now I believe they have both lost it. By the way, I live 5 hours away, work full time and trust no one to check on them.

My 2 children do not live in the same town as the (one is 10 hours away). Current husband appeases her, or just get tired of it. She doesn't always remember that she is married to him. She calls ex husband several times a day, me several times a day, Granddaughter several times a day.

It's always about how he didn't give her anything in the divorce. She wants the house they lived in. She did give her sister a house and a car and now she says that she stole them and she wants them back.

Years ago all
of this happened, to her it is almost like yesterday. She does know I moved away 4 yrs ago and that I have a grandson. (1 yr old grandbaby).

Today she called my daughter 10 times, me 5 times. I got 2 voicemails and they were for her ex husband. (I guess she thought she was calling his phone). The messages were that she wanted to move back into their old house because current husband and her were disagreeing about money.

All calls in the last two months or more have been very angry, she cannot be reasoned with and cannot comprehend or retain information.

The relationship between mom and me strained from age 12 forward. She never trusted me - the men in her life were more important than me. Everyone was more important than me.

My husband accused of stealing jewelry from her but she gave everything to everyone else. She became alcoholic and I kept my kids from her. She lied to me constantly about trivial matters.

She is manipulative and conniving. Appearances were important to her, being important was a goal of hers. Being better than everyone else, holyer than thou was her attitude, still is.

She pushed all friends and remaining family away because of her attitude. No one wanted to be around her, controlling, manipulative, I did this for you - I own you attitude.

I am baffled and don't know where to go, what to do. Because they didn't have anyone else they both have given me Medical POA.

Any suggestions are welcome.

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