Left Alone.....Jokingly

by Michael
(Boston, Mass USA)

I am the youngest 51 now my parents were great for the most part. 25 years ago my dad had a stroke one morning and was paralyzed for life and retired only few years early.

Once the medications were right he did pretty good. Was a navy man and the event did not break his spirit and though he was the one suffering he always had a big smile and said how are you

He never gave up I have tears right now but okay. I stayed home mom struggled and she had a breakdown emotionally but gave her all and her and I helped dad around the clock.

Not entirely as my two brothers and two sisters were married got along as kids except one brother I had a great gf ready to marry have kids enjoy life.

Well, I kept caring for dad and ma so she thru in the towel and thought I did not love her and married someone else. My dad lived twenty years with a few close calls...doc said you love him so much. He would fight through every surgery and come out smiling made me cry every time happiness.

Okay, then did little nursing home time because it was safer and passed away years later. Mom has arthritis walks with walker unstable and angry, screams and argues with me about everything.

She wakes upstarts complaining again. I feel robbed screwed insulted like. I'm a no life loser.

I had my own business all that
time plus I got up three times a nite to go to I bathroom. My oldest brother calls once a year and says happy new year.

The others jump in an out pick up a few grocery sometimes throw some laundry in and leave. They are so busy. None of them have a job ever and they come here do some bullshit and leave and speak the same words "I have a family I have a family" Big Deal....on weekends. To this day they have never taken my parents anywhere, not even to local breakfast.

I blew off all my friends, girlfriends, future wife and I did not leave my parents on the couch all weekend. I took them to NYC, Newport, RI dinners, scenic drives, day trips every where every weekend.

They still play the same game, "Oh, if ma is upset or u want to come for dinner we are here".

So 26 years went by and I make sure my mother takes every step without falling until she improved a little. Cook, coffee, clean laundry blah, blah, blah, and I am not even allowed to have a friend over.

I'm done.

I don't sleep normal. I was at work last week passed out almost went down 30 ft staircase. The people fed me and saved me. No one cared here, just said you must need more fluids.

Sorry so long but all true 1:43 AM to write this with no TV, phone or running visitors b

Bless your thoughts please.

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Alone too
by: Sharon

Hi Michael, First of all, I'm from Mass too, so "Hello neighbor"!

I know what you are going through. I'm 60 and I had both my parents living with me when my father was failing with Dementia. Then he was placed in a home and passed away 2 years later.

I still have 92 year old Mom living with me since 2005 which is not easy. Now Mom is in VERY good health and does many, many things for herself...thankfully. I do step in with doctor appointments and more strenuous tasks, etc. But as far as any assistance from my 3 brothers....ZERO.

They are happily living their lives with no thought of OUR mother. No phone calls, no visits....nothing. And yet, I'm the one who my mother will bitch at and complain that I don't do anything for her. She wouldn't say that to any of her sons, that's for sure.

I am divorced but have a BF and we take trips from time to time which does not please mom one bit. Every time I go away I return to a long puss and a cold shoulder for a day or two.

I feel like my role here is so unfair. And frankly, the only reason I do it is out of guilt. I really don't love my mother all that much. She is a miserable, bitter, difficult person and when I get home from work, I never know what I'm going to get when I walk through the door.

As for your situation, what's done is done, you can't get back all those years you lost. The only thing I can suggest is to get more help on a municipal level.

Most towns offer elder services as far as delivering meals, taking elders to appointments, etc. This is usually at no cost.

Look into it, it might be worth it for you, at least you'd get a break. And another bit of advice...go do something nice for yourself.

I know how alone you feel, I feel very alone too. Frankly, I joke that I'm an only child because that's what it feels like.
I hope it helps you to know you are not alone and people do care.
Good luck and be well!

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