Know what you are getting in to.

by Cheryl
(Dahlonega )

When we built our home 20 years ago we asked our parents if they wanted us to build out an apartment for them, they said yes so we finished out two apartments. We owned three flower shops at the time and needless to say, we were busy supporting ourselves.

Long story short, my mother was with us for a couple of years before going to a nursing home for six years (which I visited daily after work) before she passed.

My husband’s father lived with us 7 years before he passed. My mother-in-law is 94 and has lived with us now for over 20 years. She broke her hip four years ago which slows her down.

Unbeknownst to us until his father died, she has this phobia of staying alone and will not! We cannot even run to the grocery store together without her and the wheelchair.

So now we are in our 70’s, have given up on our retirement dream of living in RV and traveling the country.

My husband has two brothers and wives and grandchildren 45 minutes away and will only come see her a couple of times a year and holidays as long as we bring her. They have all kinds of excuses why they can’t.

I love her and hurt for here when she is being ignored. We have so much resentment toward her other two sons that now we don’t even get together for holidays which hurts her more.

If it weren’t for our two daughters coming from out-of-state and an old friend occasionally to give us a long weekend we would stark raving mad.

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I'm sorry
by: Anonymous

I feel for you. I really do. My mom has us in a somewhat similar situation - she's in assisted living now but we can't leave town because of her insistence in my involvement in her care.

Can you put your M-I-L in an assisted living near you and visit every day? She won't be alone at all that way, you'll get a break and can wean yourself away.

That might give you away to start traveling like you want. There will be pain, but it would be helpful to you and your M-I-L would have other people to see and interact with. Just a thought. Hugs for you for doing what you've done. I tried it and couldn't for far too many reasons to outline here.

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