by Karin
(Hardy, Va)

I am the primary caregiver for my father who is 89with Alzheimer's and Parkinson's. I have three siblings. One lives out of state and handles dad's financials which is wonderful but he rarely calls dad. Another brother lives about 20 minutes away and never comes to visit or calls.

The youngest is my sister who works full time at the hospital has two grandchildren and comes by once a week to help from grass and sits with dad to talk to him for a few minutes and is out the door.

She also makes sure she goes on vacation to different places at least twice a year and never invites me.

I have not had a get away vacation since 2013 and am mentally worn out caring for dad. My siblings just don't get it as far as what it takes to care for him.

As my father's disease progresses the harder it gets to do this every day.what can I do?

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time for a visit to respite!
by: Anonymous

Hey Karin. You didn't say if you live with your dad or not. Sounds like you do.

I would have a conversation with your brother who does your dad's financials about putting dad in a facility for a couple of weeks ever six months or so for a 'respite' visit (look that up) so YOU can have a vacation.

That will help refresh you. Also find out about bringing in additional help with your dad. I also get the idea that you're full-time with dad and not working, but your siblings both work.

Can you get help to come in a few hours a week to give you time for yourself each and every week so you can do something for yourself - go to a gym, go for a walk, attend an art class, go to a movie, whatever you choose??

If dad's budget doesn't afford that then surely your working siblings can contribute to dad's upkeep. Also look and see if they state you live in might have some kind of program that might pay a little bit to you for being dad's caregiver (my state does).

Just trying to brainstorm for you. Caregiving is so hard - been there done that for the past 10 years with my parents. (my dad is gone since 2013, my mom is in assisted living and hating it but it's whatever!).

Have the conversations with your siblings. If they argue with paying then invite them to come stay with dad to give you a break or tell them he can go stay with them and tell them it's not an option, you're burned out and if your health suffers and you have a problem they'll have to make other arrangements.

It's in their best interest to make sure you're OK too. Hugs for you, hang in there!!!!

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