"Just Need to Vent"

by Linda
(Virginia)

I am so angry that I desperately need to vent and get these negative feelings off my chest so I might get some relief.


I hate both my living sisters. I had another who was killed in 1995 by a drunk driver. We were the middle two of 4 girls and she and I were just alike. We were very close. I did not know how much I'd miss her for the rest of my life. We both went to college (both majored in PE) and the other 2 did not and have always been jealous of that. She and I both managed to keep our weight down and they both blossomed to around 200 or more pounds. They are both jealous because of that too.

The problem is, she left me to help the other 2 take care of our elderly parents. I think of her every day and I know she is watching all this as an angel. In my prayers, I ask her to guide me in dealing with my negative feelings toward the other 2 sisters.

For some reason, my parents made the oldest sister "Executor of their Estate". This was shortly before my sister was killed. She asked me "Why did they do that?" I told her I did not know. Before we could ask them, she was gone.

The parents are now in a nursing home an hour away from me in the town where the other 2 live.

I felt helpless to protest last year when they moved them there because they had to go somewhere and they do have other relatives in that same town. Now, I am expected to go weekly and take them to church or help get them ready if they are going with my aunt who goes to the same church.

The church is about an hour away from the nursing home and this makes a four-hour drive for me when I need to take them to church. This is an old Baptist church and I love to go, so I do not complain much except the other 2 sisters hate to go and try every way they can to get out of it.

One works on weekends so refuses to help and her daughter has breast cancer so she spends every extra weekend going to NC to see about her. (I wish she'd just move there!)The other sister just hates to go and refuses to listen to anything I need to complain about. A friend listens and cares and she has never been a real friend because she has "gone off" on me and my husband at least twice in her e-mails. She's too much of a coward to do it in person. We are just not close. I have had some very hateful e-mails from my other sister too and even her daughter who has Cancer went off on me in an e-mail last week based on things her mother had told her. Who made her "Judge Judy". She has not even heard my side of the argument???

Thank goodness I have a couple other friends (plus my husband..he is a great support) to listen to me when I need it. I do the same for them.

I would truly love for these 2 mean sisters to apologize to me and we could put this behind us, but I feel sure that will never happen. Right now, neither of them is speaking to me and that is fine with me. I just hate to hurt my parents.

It is not their fault, but they seem to be suffering because of this turmoil. I told them I would quit coming to visit at all on the weekends if my other 2 sisters did not stop using me to do what they both do not want to do and stop being so hateful to me. They were upset and my Mom cried. She is a stroke victim and her mind is only 7 years old, but she is still able to go to church. She just has to be dressed.

Some of the nurses at the home help but that is an assisted-living facility and she may have to be moved away from Daddy if she seems to need more help than she gets right now. Thus, the older sister's plan is to make it look like Mama does not need so much help. She and Daddy both have "Potty" accidents and need to be cleaned up after and if that happens a lot they consider moving them. There is more to tell, but I need to stop for now. More later.
Thanks, Linda

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Anger and Resentment - Faith Will Carry You
by: Anonymous

Prayer has been my savior many times. You are correct to put your trust in God, knowing that He will take care of it. I would not have made it through many rough spots if I could have not "turned it over'. I thought I 'd never learn to do that but now that I know how wonderful He is, I know He will take care of things.
Keep the Faith!

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Anger and Resentment Reply to "Just Need to Vent".
by: Anonymous

I do understand the sister thing. When both parents came to live with me both with Alzheimer's, my sis went through our parents house taking everything she could find that she thought would be valuable.

While our dad was dying she wrote a letter to lawyer stating that I was unfit to care for our parents because the one time she came to visit they were sleeping on a pull out couch (just because their bed had not yet arrived) She made up all kinds of stuff about how I was stealing from them and not taking them to the doctor. It is amazing how people can be.

Now my mom lives with me, she is in the third stage of Alzheimer's. She has at least one potty accident a day. I work, so my twenty something daughter cares for her during the day. My sis has not seen my mom for over a year. She emails me to ask how she is doing. I guess that makes her feel that she is doing her part. Just like my sister, your sisters are making a choice as to their behavior.

I have stopped making excuses for mine. I used to say oh she lives far away, she doesn't have the money etc. Now I tell people she doesn't come around because she chooses not to. It still makes me angry at times. I can't go anywhere without making arrangements for my mom, which usually means I don't go. I just got an email from my sister saying they are leaving the country for vacation.

It makes me soooo mad! I guess the best this is to let it go and pray. I know it is tough. It all just seems so unfair. I know somewhat of what you are feeling.

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