Just Don't Want to do it Anymore
I take care of my elderly soon to be 84 year old mother. She is bedridden unable to get up and use a potty. I cook or fix her breakfast and lunch. I share this responsibility with my 2 brothers. i am thankful that I get to go home everyday. I retired early from work with plans of traveling or just doing what ever I wanted to do.
Prior to retiring my mother suffered a minor stroke I worked midnights while she was in rehab every morning she would call me to bring something to her all I wanted to do was go home and sleep.
She never called my brothers because she said they couldn't afford to take off she recovered was using a walker to get around in her own home then she suffers a major heart attack. Sent to rehab, she was Sent home then pneumonia back home on 24/7 oxygen.
I was expected to stay in the hospital every night each time she had an extended stay and to remain with her during the day. I finally had to tell her you are under care of nurses and doctors, then she would say well this nurse scares me.
Once I retired is when she became bedridden hence the resentment of not being able to do what I want to do its going on 4 years now I'm 62 with major arthritic issues shoulder (need replacement) hip need replacement and lower back issues..I try not to complain but I hurt so bad sometimes.
I told her if she would or could just use a potty or bed pan it would be a big he!p. She constantly tells me she thinks she's had more strokes, she can lift her legs up better than me even while in hospital they are amazed at strength in legs.
I told her she just gave up and this is a job taking care of her, her response to that was I took care of my mom it wasn't a job to me. I feel like because I'm the daughter I'm held more accountable.
Today I told my mom I hated cleaning her poopy diapers because I had to do it 4 times. I can leave for appointments but always rushing to get back to her. She has a cell phone inside in case electricity goes off.
I was at doctors appointment she called because her oxygen stopped working I told her she would need to call someone else. I'm bored depressed full of guilt because of how I feel thanks for letting me vent.