Joe and Joyce

by Joe
(Pittsburgh)

My father is a very selfish and ungrateful and demanding man. I retired in 2012 and my wife and I were going to travel for six months, unfortunately my mother passed away 3 months after I retired, so we put our plans on hold to take care of my father which has been very challenging.

They didn’t have a will or anything when she passed, so my wife and took care of everything. I am the power of attorney and I handle his bills.

He had a heart attack in 2015, and left the hospital 2 days later against the doctors orders. This action let the doctors thinking about his mental health and other things, well he had to get retested for driving, he failed both oral and driving test. He has been a challenge since.

This past week I had to have an exterminator come because of mice droppings and ants all over the house. The bug guy suggested that the house be thoroughly deep cleaned, so I go 3 companies to give me quotes..then two days later he don’t want it. He does have the means to have this done.

This is not the first time he has this type of thing. My wife and I have serious health issues, I have Parkinson’s and 4 other diseases. My wife has a terminal lung disease and other health issues, but she cooked dinner for him for almost five years. She doesn’t do it now.

I have done more for my dad over the last five years that I can count and my younger brother hasn’t done much. I decided that my brother has to pull his fair share. He as always been the golden child.

My wife and I are both tired and frankly disgusted with my father. I believe he belongs in an assisted living facility, but he refuses to go. Now that we both are ill our plans to travel have become a dream.

I resent my father for his selfishness and ungratefulness over the last five years. All he’s done was take, take and take.

I have also lost my respect for him. No matter what you do for him, it’s never enough, I’ve had it.

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To "I feel your pain"
by: Anonymous

Boy do I know what you're saying.

My sister took my mom to visit over the holidays for 3 weeks and said "Merry Christmas" as if she was doing me a big favor, like I'm the only one obligated to take care of her.

That's how my 3 siblings feel.

My poor husband retired after over 40 years of long hours and hard work, but he can't enjoy his retirement because my mom is here and we always have to plan the most basic of things around her.

She is in our business constantly and we try to get away for an hour or two here or there just to get a break from her prying eyes and endless questions.

I want her out of our home but the other 3 "can't" take her in. What if we weren't here any longer? Someone would have to step up to the plate, wouldn't they?? I mean if everyone did their fair share, it wouldn't be such a burden.

It is so unfair. While our parents are living longer and longer we aren't because of the stress they cause us and the health issues as well.
As long as they are taken care of, they don't care that they are sucking the life out of us.
Yep I sound bitter because I am.

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I Feel Your Pain
by: Anonymous

They drain us dry and it’s a thankless job. I don’t know ANYONE in my immediate or extended family that would leave their home and community, move in with their mother, and take care of her for an indefinite time period.

Nothing grates on my nerves more than having a family member tell me how great I am for doing this. First of all they have no clue of even what "this" is since they never ask. And second, all that thank you does is make them feel better because they thanked me and now they are done.
They will never know because they don’t care to get involved and inconvenience their own life.

My brother and his wife come here once a year for 10 days to "relieve" me. It’s actually just a vacation for them. Relief for me would be if they took her for three or four months in the summer. Or if they came two or three times a year.

My brother huffs and puffs around here in his big brother role and does nothing but just play on his iPad and conduct business with his job while he lounges next to mom.

My sister in law runs around town and shops and visits family and friends. They go home with this big green check mark for having fulfilled this duty.
I’m tired of being grateful to them for nothing.

I’m coming up on my 10 days off, three months away from now, and I don’t even care, because I’m so angry about it.

It drains us, takes the last best years of our life, takes autonomy and control completely out of our lives, affects our health and relationships, and all for what? So someone who is hardly even on the planet can be catered to until their dying day, all at the expense of others.

There’s no answer and no one is going to save us and the only ones who truly understand it are those that walk in our shoes.

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