Jill Ward

by Jill
(Coco)

She's all mine - my sister and brother want nothing to do with helping her in her care. It's all my responsibility.

My 92 yr old Mother and I have lived together alone since 2005. She has macular degeneration. She's very needy and has no friends or a social life anymore. She's just "TRYING" to get better. She's dying, and not getting any better.

She broke two ribs last Saturday and they just sent her home from the hospital. Oh well, nothing they could do - just wait it out. Meanwhile - she can't get out of the bed on her own to go to the bathroom, so I'm now sleeping in the next bed in her room, so that when she has to get up in the middle of the night or whenever,I help her in.

She's disoriented, confused and out of it. I can't handle this caregiving role. I'm very resentful and angry. I have nothing to look forward to coming home each day. We still have some resources so that an aide comes in between 8:30am and 7:00pm and takes care of her. I'm blessed with having a part-time job to go to,but I have to make sure I'm home by 7:00pm every night. I want to die. Literally end my life. I feel hateful and trapped. My life is over.

How long can this go on, and it's only getting worse. That's about it for now. I'd like to murder my "free" other two siblings for their lack of involvement or concern. I'm furious. They do nothing and just expect me to do it all.

Watching my Mother deteriorate in health - listening to her try to speak but only babble definitely unsettles me. I hate being home. I want her cared for. I'm not the one. I'm detached emotionally from her condition because I despise it. Great sadness. I feel so alone and isolated. Where is there help? Money is so important. I'd like her in a group home I think. I think I heard there were really nice ones. That they won't take all the retirement savings but will take the social monthly as compensation.

Not sure, but it's what I heard. I don't want Medicaid to take it all. It's only about 28,000, but still - rather keep it in the family if I can. I'm done for now....what a terrible, terrible part of life this is. They last so long and for what. They wonder too. What can they do at this stage. They can't see or hear. Feel lousy. Have no friends. No social life. What joy is there for them at 92 when things aren't going well with your overall health? I'm done - thanks for letting me air. Jill

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Thinking of you
by: Anonymous

Hi Jill
I just read your comments and I really feel for you. Can you contact a social worker to help you make some decisions for your mother? I don't think anyone should have to feel like you do.

Wish you well.

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I Understand...
by: Anonymous

Jill, I really, really understand. There are times I feel so depressed that I wish it was all just over. But, please, hold on.

I look forward to the day we can contact each other and write that our responsibilities are finished and our own lives are ours again. Please hold on. As I said above, I really understand. I can at least offer you that. Hold on, Jill.

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Hang in there, Jill
by: Anonymous

I understand how you feel. Although my parents are in better health than your mother, I see them getting less able to do things they used to be able to do, and what they wish they still could do.

It is very sad to see my dad's eyesight failing, and my mother unable to walk more than a few yards without having to stop--and that's with a walker. I have three other capable siblings who are basically absent, either due to distance or indifference or both. Oh, did I mention that my parents also live with and help to take care of my younger sister (59)who suffered a massive stroke 5 years ago? Aides come in 2 times a day, but they are basically trapped in the house, worrying what will happen to her, and growing more frail with each day.

It's my job to try to help all three of them as much as I can (4 days/week), working full time and helping with grandchildren. Social life is non-existent, while my three other sisters have gone on with their lives pretty much unaffected.

I guess my point is that I don't blame you for the way you feel about your siblings, and I empathize with your feelings of frustration and sadness about your mother's condition. It's a shame when the quantity of life surpasses the quality of life.

I pray that when you reclaim your life, you will know that you did right by your mother and that thought will bring you some comfort. I don't expect that it will bring you any closer to your indifferent siblings who have been quite content to let all the responsibility fall upon your weary shoulders. Take heart, dear heart.

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