It's not my fault But it still hurts.
Its not my fault that she got old. Not my fault I can't physically care for her, or that I can't make the nursing home a good place. Not my fault that she lived to be 90 & is in constant pain, or that she fell last week & now has even more pain.
Not my fault that she hates me for not saving her, or that she will likely die soon. Its not my fault that I can't help her to live, nor can I help her to die. Its not my fault that I turn my phone off so I won't hear her screams & accusations when she calls. Not my fault that I can't tolerate her vomit & excrement, when I visit. (It made me gag today). Not my fault.