It Would be Nice to Have Some Help

by Cindy
(Harrisburg, PA USA)

I am a single mother with two sons. My mother had a mini stroke a year ago. She moved into my home and I left my job so she helped us financially so I did not have to work. My brother lives in another state and has not seen her nor has he come to see her or asked to come and help.

He and his wife have no children and his wife does not work and does not work so they have plenty of money and go on vacations but can't even take time to fly out and let me have a break.

It is so frustrating, I never get a break. One evening I would love to have the living room to myself.....

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I understand
by: Anonymous

I so understand. I've had my mom a year now with me and I long for ONE day that I could stay in my jammies and grab a throw and my dog and veg out on the couch all day binge watching Dexter.

I tried it once and there were so many questions over and over and over, Are you sick? why aren't you dressed? What's wrong? It almost brought me to tears that I could no longer do this comforting thing for myself and I've never done it again.

I don't do a lot of things I used to so it becomes a waiting game wondering when life will ever be normal again. Then you're plagued with the guilt realizing the only way it will change is for that person to die. It's a no win.

Even when my mom mostly stays in her room during the day and doesn't bother me, she's still "there" and the world is just "different." The only way for me to tolerate this is to realize as much as I can that this is not her fault and she should not be punished for it.

She'd like to be living alone independently as much as I would, I'm sure. How humiliating that their child must take care of them. All I can tell you is reach for compassion when you can because it does help. I also quit my job to care for my mom, but I took early retirement so I do now get some social security.

You need to take steps to protect yourself in case she becomes forgetful about your agreement (if there was one) and suddenly gives her money to someone else.

That has happened to people. You need to perhaps be charging her legally for room and board, your care, etc. You would need to claim that as income in some aspects, but you would have a contract to protect yourself.

If she were to die suddenly, are you protected financially with her assets since you now have no job? These are things you need to think about and put in place especially if you have siblings that can surprise you when the inevitable happens. Take care and know you're not alone.

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