It just gets a little harder, every day

Been taking care of parent more and more for 4 years, with absolutely no help/support from out of state siblings. One of them, saying anything about my situation is like being in a deposition, I am treated completely like an employee (who is unpaid, and can't quit).

I feel sorry for the parent, but is becoming more and more needy every day. I wait hand and foot 24/7, and literally can't even fathom taking care of any aspect of my own life.

With this pandemic, I'm gaining weight and getting completely out of shape. It's ruining my mental and physical health. Social life long gone.

I'll do what I have to do to meet my responsibilities, but when they're done, I don't know if I ever care to see my siblings ever again - their selfishness is ruining my life.

I know this is all pretty negative, but I've held this together for a long time, and today is really a dark day for me.

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Same place as you
by: Anonymous

Every day is a dark day for me. I am at that point. I've done this 24/7 for four years also. I retired to take care of my mom and I'll be honest here, she was so bad off I didn't think she'd make it a year. I've missed the first three years of my retirement and it makes me so frustrated and angry that I've also turned to food for comfort and put on 40 pounds.

Every morning I think to myself, maybe today is the day. Then I hear the walker and my head just drops and any plans I had or ambitions to do something just leave like a puff of smoke. I have lost all dreams, all enthusiasm for hobbies or projects, and one day just drags into the next.

I got on antidepressents, but that hasn't helped much. When you're trapped, you're trapped and there isn't much you can do about it. My own health has deteriorated so badly that I honestly think she will outlive me. Worked all my life for this? So a old woman (who wants to die, she says so daily) can sit and smoke and stare into space? What is the point of this?

My home is destroyed with her smoking. Walls are yellow and it stinks like a bar. I've tried making her quit and that was the battle of the century and life was more miserable than before, so she just lights up another one. Oh yeah, I have COPD now, not her.

I did find a gal who will come and sit with her twice a week so I can get out. She has a three hour minimum at 20.00 per hour so it costs me 120.00 a week for six hours of peace. Believe it or not, a few times I've just gone to the garage and gotten into the car and taken a nap and never gone anywhere. Sometimes there is nowhere to go.

I feel everything you said and I'm as sorry for you as for me. There is a very fine line between hating the situation and hating the person because the two are intertwined. The only think I've learned from this experience is that life sure isn't fair to the caregiver or the person who wants to just die, but can't. I've also learned that I will NEVER and I mean never, do this to my own daughter. Hopefully I will still have the sense to recognize when my time comes (before dementia hits like my mom) and take care of matters in my own way. It would break my heart forever to know that my daughter wished I were dead so she could live her life.

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