it has been a long road

by Darnell
(Tehachapi)

My 92 year old Dad has been living in my house for 15 months now. He has been on hospice care for 10 months. My wife and I are amazed that he keeps on living. Diagnosed with congestive heart failure. His daily diet is an ensure in the morning and a milkshake at night.

All he does is lay in bed on his back not moving at all. My wife and I recently retired and had plans to go camping, of course the whole covid 19 changed that, however now that things are somewhat getting back to normal we still feel confined by caring for my dad.

The most frustrating thing to me is seeing my dad go through a couple of days very sleepy with labored breathing, I start thinking this could be it then he is back to normal for a couple weeks. It is driving me crazy to see him everyday looking like death warmed over, yet he just continues to go on and on.

I figured I have changed his diaper at least 1000 times and sick and tired of it. He is not difficult to get along with like I have read others situations, however this is like slow torture to me.

It is hard to grieve when I already have so many times seeing him go through the sleepy cycles. I just want it over. Last Friday my father in law passed away after being placed on hospice five days earlier. Wow what a contrast to my dad. sometimes my anger is overwhelming.

I feel guilty for wanting him to die so I can move on and enjoy retirement.

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it's OK
by: Anonymous

Please don't feel guilty. Your feelings are completely normal. I get it. You want to move on with your life, but can't. You have what equates to a very large boat anchor holding you.

You mentioned that your dad is on hospice. Can you put him in a actual hospice facility, or is that too expensive? We're sort of in the same boat - my mom is in an assisted living (AL) and has had some very severe medical issues which should have been her end but she's bounced back.

She's 89 and shows no signs of leaving us. We're ready to travel but can't even go out of town for a weekend because she gets mad at the AL and calls me to come over there (not now with COVID but did) or get on the phone and raise the roof to get things fixed to her satisfaction.

It's maddening/frustrating/saddening all at the same time. Like you, I love my mom, but I'm ready for her to move on.
Hang in there, and know you're not alone in all this.

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