It Does Not Get Any Easier

by Richard
(Missouri)

My mother passed away almost six months ago. She was diagnosed with moderate stage Alzheimer's in 2015. Her Alzheimer's quickly progressed into advanced dementia within three years. She died after suffering a cardiac arrest in July of 2018.


I understand how you and your sister feel. My mother could not take care of her self for more than three years. My brother and I did practically everything for her. We ended up having to hire in home care just so my mother could be bathed everyday.

There were many times when the caregivers failed to come to our house. There were many times when I had to get in the shower with my mother, thank goodness we had a large walk in shower.

Sometimes, I had to shower her more than once a day. My mother was incontinent and had to wear adult diapers. I had to change her bed linens everyday. Clean her bathroom and bedroom everyday. Feed her all meals everyday. Make sure she was receiving her medications everyday. My mother and her needs became my life everyday. My brother and I tried very hard to keep our mother from having to live in a deplorable nursing home.

I often think I did not do enough to care for my mother. I often have feelings of guilt. Maybe I should have moved her into a long term care facility.

My mother had to stay in facilities off and on after a few hospitalizations the past few years for physical and occupational therapy. Overall, these were not good experiences for my mother. I really think the overall care they provided my mother was lacking.

Believe me, I know that caring for an elderly parent is very difficult. There were many times when I used to yell and scream at my mother when she frustrated my me. I often ended up giving her a kiss and telling her that I loved her after words.

I wish that my mother was still alive today. I miss her so much. I miss hearing her voice. I miss holding her hand. I miss all the little things we shared in life. My mother was always there for me when I needed her. She was my best friend.

All I want to say is. . .it is okay to feel frustrated dealing with your elderly mother. No one in this world is perfect. Just try your best to be there to help your mother the best you can. Deep down inside, I am sure your mother loves you and needs your help. Be thankful she is still alive and tell her that you love her. May God bless you. Stay strong.

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Sigh...
by: Anonymous

Oh my God you are such a kind and patient man. How hard those three years must’ve been for you and your brother. It’s encouraging to see someone struggling but maintaining. We are all in the struggle. God bless you for doing what you had to do until the end.

There's nothing wrong with being stressed, angry, frustrated. saying the wrong things to our parent when we should’ve kept quiet. Its a long and difficult road.

I have a baby monitor on my mom and every time she sits up in bed my stress level rises. There is almost nothing left of her but the basic bodily functions. It all seems like such a waste of time. I used to try to be Wonder Woman and rise above the stress but it actually helps more to acknowledge the stress.

It helps to know so many of us are out there. We all just have to get through this time in our lives the best we can.

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It does not get any easier
by: Anonymous

I'm so sorry you're hurting and I'm sorry for your loss.

I wish I could feel the same way but my mom lives with us and I hate every minute of it.
I try so hard not to feel so angry and resentful, but she is difficult to live with and she is sucking the life out of us.

My husband is a very mellow and patient man, but even he is miserable having her here with us.
He spends as much time away from her as he can.

I don't know how I'll feel when she finally goes. She's in good health and is almost 86. It seems unfair that she is living so long and thriving under my care while I suffer from multiple health issues. I just think if she lived somewhere else I would handle this much better.
Having her in my home 24/7 makes us feel trapped.

As I've said, I'm sorry for your loss, but to be honest I wonder what it will be like to finally be free of this thankless and stressful job.

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