Is There a Pill I Can Take?

by Anonymous

I am now a widow, after two years of caring for my husband as he died from cancer in hospice in our home. I would never trade that opportunity away for anything. It was hard. It was painful. It was overwhelming. It was frightening.


I taught at a university 3/4 time and ran a business full-time, while living in the country where medications are not delivered and a doctor is far away. Juggling everything made me feel more exhausted than I have ever felt in my life.

But from my experience, I learned about human need for other humans and what loving really is. I miss my husband and I am grateful for that experience. He died in my arms.

Now, I'm alone. My parents have died. My sister has died... 45 years old. Our son is several states away and a great young man with a great job/stunning salary, a good-looking guy in the prime of his life and still single, living in a home with six close friends.

While I do come from a generation that believes there is both pain and huge value from both respecting and taking care of our elders, I know that times are different now. What I want is a pill. I want a pill that I can take when I get to the age where I need another human. I want a pill that ends my breathing.

I read these stories and it is so unsettling to me as I start the elder aging process. I know none of the writers will ever age and need anyone. Somehow they are going to miss that learning part of the life journey. Talk about lucky. Gosh.

How can we get an off-button equivalent? I don't want anyone saying anything like I read here about me, ever. Oh my God. I would be horrified.

I'm serious. I'm looking. And maybe we need such a pill for children to hand out to every parent once they hit...what 65? 70 is probably best. Imagine the relief.

I can hope I can find one. If so.. I'll share so you can have some for your parents! Good deal, eh!

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Big difference
by: Anonymous

Your husband died of cancer and I'm sorry for you that this happened.

There is a big difference in caring for a sick person and someone with dementia or Alzheimers. Huge difference.

There is no conversation, no sharing of thoughts or feelings. There is no connection. You are caring for a stranger because your loved one actually died a long time ago. You care for their shell that looks familiar.

You clean up feces wiped on walls, listen to the four letter words that spew out of their mouths calling you every name in the book, you deal with the hallucinations at midnight until four in the morning when you're dead tired on your feet so bad you think you'll be sick, you deal with food being thrown across the room, you answer the same questions a hundred times a day before you ever go to bed if you even do because most nights they don't sleep, you deal with confinement with this stranger 24/7 because it's either too expensive to have someone come in or they've been so mean no one will come back.

You dealt with your own set of horror watching your loved one slip away, but I'm betting it was nothing like the daily grind a caretaker goes through with dementia or Alzheimer's. So until you've walked in those shoes, please don't judge the yearning we all have to get our own lives back.

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Life isn't perfect
by: Anonymous

I also took offense at your post and being put down. Not all families are comprised of people who love each other. Not all daughters have a great mom or dad.

I take care of my mother. It's been almost two years now. I promised her I would and I'm trying to honor that promise, but it's hard. Perhaps if we'd ever been close this wouldn't be so difficult, but when she's like a stranger to me it's hard to suddenly develop feelings she never encouraged during my entire life.

She is mean and nasty, vulgar, and it's a continual put down of everything I do, everything I wear, and anything I say.

My brother died several years ago and I have probably heard her say, "I wish you had died instead of your brother" at least a hundred times. She also said that before dementia hit her, so it has nothing to do with that.

Now, she just forgets she said it so it keeps getting repeated.

Do I wish I could have my life back and not waste what could be my own last good years on this person who never showed me an ounce of love? You bet I do and I won't apologize for that to anyone.

I also won't do this to my own daughter even though we have a wonderful relationship. If I can't find the pill you're talking about then I'll use a gun.

You're very lucky you were in a loving relationship and cherished the time you could care for your loved on. Not all of us live in Normal Rockwell painting.

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If you find one please share!
by: Nearly old lady

Wow did you write this or was it me? These are exactly my thoughts too!

I have two lovely sons with their own wonderful families, they have good lives that they both work hard for. I have lived alone for The last 10 years since my partner died and I'm fast approaching 60!

My parents are in their late 80s and still quite independent, they are just old (how dare they get old.) My very independent Dad gets very frustrated that he can't do things the same as he always has (who wouldn't) and often takes it out of me and my 7 siblings.

Most of our parents kids have given up on them now, but myself and a sister are gluttons for punishment and still there for them daily. Why you may ask? because they're our parents and we love them unconditionally and because you only get one mum and one dad.

I have witnessed first hand how their family have walked away from them just because they're old. And reading the comments on here have confirmed to me old people should be seen and not heard or eliminated altogether!

So back to the pill, i have given myself 10 more years, (providing I've still got all my facilities) before I will need that pill, enough time to find one or for someone to invent one for me!

I have asked my son's to take me in the woods and shoot me on my 70th birthday if im still around. They laugh and say yes okay. But just in case they forget or are not around, a backup pill would be amazing!

Please can we agree to swap information should one of us find it first! Many thanks. A soon to be old lady! :)

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how mean
by: Greenacres

I found THIS post quite unsettling and mean. Taking care of your parents is totally different than taking care of the love of your life. Sometimes they can even happen at the same time.

We are just venting.

I for one am afraid I will not be there for both my mom and husband at the same time. Maybe your life is so crappy, well take your damn pill. How dare you to assume we don't want our loved ones around.

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