Is my Elderly Parent from the Exorcist?

[?] Subscribe To This Site

Is my Elderly Parent from the Exorcist?

by ann4646@hotmail.com
(Los Angeles, California)

Why me? Should not be the question rather wow! It's me! God chose me to bare the burden of caregiver for my 88 year old mother, while my lazy sister suns herself everyday awaiting for the cool summers evening breeze so she may ride into the sunset on her horse while drinking a Pina Colada.

Yes, I'm going to heaven, well, maybe, we'll see. Angry , me? You bet I'm angry!! Since about 5 months ago when my freedom was ripped from my soul, I now know there is a slight possibility I am not going to heaven. All those nice things I thought about myself, compassionate, giving to a fault, etc. Is out the window, adios, it's not happening.

Now I see the real person inside. The one I've been hiding from for the last 50 years and it' not pretty. Could this irritable, bloodsucking screaming person be me? YES!!!!

When I look at my mother I no longer see, well, my mother. I see something from out of the Exorcist. Something that's taking control of me, manipulating me, making me their slave and sucking the life out of me!!!!! Can you relate?

Comments for
Is my Elderly Parent from the Exorcist?

Average Rating

Click here to add your own comments

Rating

Much Better Now
by: Anonymous

Things are much better now with my mother. Her doctor prescribed an anti-psychotic - Respirdal. She is like a different person & is actually pleasant to be around.

Rating

Ohhhhh Yes, I can Relate!
by: Jann

My 85 year old mother is also from the exorcist and I take care of her every need as my 2 sisters, who both live in town, go about their merry way and leave it all to me!

One lives 5 minutes from my mom and the other one has never even worked a day in her life. I also thought of myself as a wonderful, God fearing person, but now I see that the good are the ones that suffer, and I'm not taking kindly to it, no, not at all!

I can honestly say that I feel hate all the way to my core, and I've always been nothing but a kind, caring person.
Oh yes, baby, I can relate!!!

Rating

Abusive Mom
by: Anonymous

So glad to be able to hear other people's comments about their experiences. I have been caring for my mom the last 13 years. She is not living with me but I get constant phone calls complaining about everything. Sometimes she is hysterical.

I visit every week, doing whatever she needs, cutting grass, taking her to the doctor, cleaning, etc. She does not appreciate what people do for her and talks about everyone behind their backs, especially me.

The less you come around the more she seems to like you. I am burnt out and don't know how much more I can take.

Rating

Another Frustrated Daughter
by: Anonymous

I just ran across this message board and I no longer feel so frustrated and alone. I am lucky. My 88 yr-old mother does not live with me. She lives in a nursing home where her physical health has improved to the point where she wants to try to advance to assisted living.

However, she does have some memory issues & has been diagnosed with dementia. She has become very verbally abusive towards me to the point where I don't even want to visit her anymore. I have cut my daily visits down to every other day & occasionally every two days.

Yesterday we had a huge argument. She says I am not trustworthy & that I lie to her when I repeat the things she has said to me. She finally took me to my breaking point where I screamed at the top of my lungs, "You are driving me crazy & I can't stand it anymore." My dear husband was present for this spectacle & suggested that I not visit her at all this week in order to keep my sanity. He said she is not in her right mind. However, that does not give her the right to verbally abuse me nor do I feel that I need to subject myself to such abuse.

I have one sibling - a sister that lives 1500 miles away. She is no help & is hiding under a rock since I told her I was going to buy Mom a one-way ticket to her city!!

Thanks for letting me vent.......

Rating

You Guys Have it a lot Harder than Me.
by: Anonymous

I should probably not even be writing in because I really don't have it that bad. My mom can still take care of her own bodily needs and my spouse and I are no longer working. I am her only child and so there was no question as to who she should live with. But she seems to feel that we need to resume her 'mother' role and that somehow everything she says is right because she is my mother!

She is very insistent, and then if anyone says anything she goes into the whole spiel about why God hasn't taken her away to heaven yet, etc. I would love to have a good relationship with her, but we are so different, our interests are so different, we have very little common ground on which to even base a conversation! It's been 2 years and I'm not looking forward to the future.

Rating

Finally Gave Up
by: Anonymous

My sister cared for mother, until she couldn't take the verbal abuse anymore, then my husband and I took her into our home. This lasted 3 years.

It got so bad, that I couldn't leave or come home without being berated, accused, and in general, "blessed out". People have said, "it's not your mother talking, etc.", but I feel it is, as she is so nice to my oldest brother, it's almost sickening. Therefore, I feel she does know, yet cannot control some sort of deep seeded animosity towards me and my sister.

Recently, she mentioned the nursing home, so I got her in. It is a very nice facility, and I know all the people who own/run it. Even though she is getting the best of care, she couldn't help herself from zinging in mean comments to me, so I think I won't go back for a while. I was standing in the background while she told my oldest brother how nice everything was, then when I came in, there went the fireworks.

Why can't she just be nice to me. My sister and I are certainly going to need therapy before we can get through this. Please be good to your children. Vow to be good to them when you are old too. Whether or not they are male or female, don't make any distinctions- just love them and say KIND, LOVING things...especially if they are loving and caring for you!

Rating

SCREAM!
by: Jann

OMG, my elderly is in assisted living and calls me 2 to 3 times a day just to say NOTHING. She has 2 other daughters in town, one who has never even worked a day in her life and refuses to do her part.

Mom calls me all day every day no matter what I've got going on, which is a lot, believe me, and just wants my time! SHE IS DRIVING ME OUT OF MY MIND AND THIS HAS GONE ON FOR 25 LONG YEARS NOW since my dad was killed in a car accident!

I can't take another minute of her driving me crazy and the resentment of her other daughters not dong their part. I think I'll end up in a nut house before this is over with.

My life has been stolen from me, I am in prison.

That is what happens to the caring child, she gets abused for years and years. I truly believe I've lost my mind for good! I'm ready to freakin' leave this world and give up!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

Rating

SELFISH PARENTS
by: Anonymous

Dear Anonymous,

I can relate, but why don't you put your Mom in a nursing home?

I know it is easier said than done. My dad lives with me and doesn't want to stay in the hospital either.

He's really selfish and always has been.

Rating

Elder Care Giver - Frustrated too! Wow I guess I found my really family!!!
by: Anonymous

I can?t tell you how many nights I?ve cried myself to sleep asking for God?s forgiveness for my terrible thoughts and sometimes actions.

I was the sole caregiver to my terminally ill father. He had lung cancer in the final stages; my father never learned English, he was a simple man and loving father. He didn?t really understand the severity of his illness which made things extremely complicated and difficult. I did everything a nurse would do for him including holding back my tears and fears all the while listening to criticism from my sister and brother-in-law and absentee Mother. My husband was my only friend and God bless him for what he did for my father and mother.

In the end..I lost my father, my sanity my marriage and $24,000 of income and expenses. It has taken me several years to be able to sleep through the night, get myself together and restart my Investment Banking career. All the while caring for my obese mother, who is now ailing and aging with Diabetes, COPD and CHF in the early stages of Dementia.

I?ve been under appreciated, insulted, criticized and forgotten by all. Yet I?m still here caring for a Mother that resented me from day one who never fails to throw me under the bus whenever my sister and brother-in-law walk in the room; never once does she question their lack of interest in her, their once a month phone calls or once every now and then visits. Mother always compliments their tanned skin, white teeth and pretty clothes, the vacations they always have time for and she understands how busy they are. I guess being a bank teller in a small town and a factory worker along with not caring to take some part in the care of your only living parent ? deserve praise and understanding.

Anyway, I?m still here caring? I guess I?ll see you all in caregiver heaven. ?Let?s hope?.

Rating

88 Year Old Mother
by: Anonymous

I too am the caregiver of my 88 yr. old mother. She lives in my home. I quit my job to care for her. She insists she can take care of herself-can't even bathe herself not to mention her meds and meals. She has made my life a living hell. She is very critical, never satisfied w/anything and constantly makes critical remarks to others referring to me. Very manipulating. She has many medical problems, diabetes, CHF, myasthenia gravis to name the main few.

I have no life and I am the youngest of 3 daughters-my sisters live in AZ & WA and I am in TN. My husband made it possible for me to care for my mother by agreeing I should quit my job.

I am to the point of putting her in a nursing home so I can have my life back. Yes I am very resentful and angry and I wish I could get past this feeling. I'm thinking it will never happen. Any suggestions?

Rating

Is My Elderly Parent from the Exorcist....
by: Caroline

YES,YES, YES. Especially when Mom tells you about the whirlwind lives your siblings are living. The trips, the parties that you are not invited to because there would be no one home to take care of Mom.

You have every right to feel the way you do. That is the one thing that cannot be taken away from us caregivers- OUR FEELINGS. It how we caregivers that matters. At least we are doing it when no one else would. Just thank your lucky stars that your sister on the horse and Pina Colada is not telling you how to take care of your mother as my absentee brothers do.
This has been going on with me since I was 34 years old, I am now 41 and feel as if the prime of my life has passed me by.

Rating

Elder Care - I Can Relate to Your Feelings
by: Anonymous

Yes, I can also relate. The anger, the loss of my life choices. Also, my mother (recipient of my care) is not the nicest person in my life...and never was. She and I had relationship
problems that go way back. I know she won't change so I just stuff my feelings. But her insults and jabs at me still hurt. She adores my sister and brother who visit her once a month or once every three months. The rest of the family believes they do soooo much as the little they do when they are here make a big impression on relatives. My day to day contributions are
ignored and I have been characterized as the
'insignificant' one.

The sad part is that I feel like I have lost a family. Yes, the stress and anger have me wishing they would all disappear from my life. I fantasize about having my life back....without
them. Very sad.

Rating

Yes, Anonymous, I can relate--see my own story on this site
by: Laraine

It never ceases to amaze me how few people are able to put themselves in the shoes of another.

If you wouldn't want to care for an elderly (often extremely difficult and/or crotchety) relative why should any family member want to have you dumped on them when you are the elderly relative needing care?

I certainly wouldn't want to be robbing someone of their lives the way I was robbed of my weekends with my Alzheimer's suffering Mother-In-Law (her daughters looked after her in turn during the week) and of my life when my Father-In-Law dumped himself onto me (when I had to work) instead of one of his non-working daughters, and now one of those daughters when I am 65 and starting to suffer from osteoarthritis and want my cooking chores decreased instead of increased what feels like tenfold.

I wouldn't want to be the cause of the sort of resentment, anger and frustration that I suffer--especially as it could rebound on me. Caregivers (even normally gentle and loving people) can so easily snap and turn on the one who is making their lives a misery--even if the abuse they give is verbal and psychological rather than physical.

Verbal and psychological abuse can have a horrendous effect on the one being abused. Never ever under-estimate it. If anyone here feels they might snap get help immediately. Your doctor is probably the best place to start, but in some cases you might feel a social worker would be better.

Never feel guilty about your resentment and anger. They are normal reactions and EVERY family caregiver suffers from them (don't believe the ones who say they don't). I vent mine in private by kicking and punching the air and swearing under my breath. An added frustration is that I don't know enough sufficiently bad swear words. :-)

I have to do it aloud or it doesn't seem to relieve my feelings, but I certainly don't want my husband or my Sister-In-Law to hear me!

Rating

Elder Care Giver - Frustrated too!
by: Anonymous

Thanks for letting me know there are others who feel the same way I do. You do a great job of expressing it though. Have you ever considered writing? Maybe you will be able to write about it when it is all over.

We will all lose them some day, but it can be pure H_ _ _ trying to help them when their mind and dignity are gone.

My parents are out of money and have to find another nursing home because they have not got enough to stay in this one for 2 years after home sold because not enough left. I think my sister, executor of the estate, may have helped herself to some of it but can not prove a thing because she is "executor of estate".

She has made all the decisions and I disagree with most of them!This can make you hate siblings you used to love!

Hang in there!

Click here to add your own comments

Join in and write your own page! It's easy to do. How?
Simply click here to return to Elder Care Anger and Resentment

Is my Elderly Parent from the Exorcist?

Comments for Is my Elderly Parent from the Exorcist?

Comments for
Is my Elderly Parent from the Exorcist?