Indifference from Siblings Towards Youngest as Caregiver.

I didn't "choose" to take care of my parents, it happened by circumstance. I lost my job, my home and had to move in with my parents, who are both 87 years old but now need assistance with daily routines.


I have 5 older siblings some of who live 2 states away. I have lived my parents since October of 2011 and have been putting myself through school again to re-educate myself to be able to get a job to be independent again. I had no idea I would end up a caregiver.

It's not that I don't love my parents, but I was emotionally ill-equipped for this job! although I'm a caring and giving person for anyone, especially for my family, even when I didn't have the finances to help another sibling, I still gave what I could.

My father suffers from Dysphagia, which makes it difficult for him to swallow and speak. He has gone through speech and physical therapy, but now he is suffering from muscle weakness due to lack of exercise/physical activity and we can no longer understand him at all. It's very frustrating, for both myself, my mother and my Dad- regarding his speech.

When my siblings come to visit for a "weekend" they try to communicate with him, thinking he could miraculously be able to speak clearly to them- or he is ignored by them. They are nice, yet don't understand the constant daily interaction with my Dad, how frustration is a dominant factor.

They think they can "fix" the problem. They say they understand and they are there for us-but an occasional phone call doesn't cut it.

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Jesus, Prozac, and TV...Praise the Lord!
by: Anonymous

I couldn't help but say that. It sounded so funny, when I read all the comments and strung the advice all together, that's what I ended up with up.

Seems we are all experiencing this roller coaster ride in so many different ways. Some of us sit in the front car, wanting to be there, and throw our hands up, and embrace the thrill of the ride. Others sit in the middle somewhere, feeling a little safer somehow, and just try to get through it to the end. Others are sick to their stomachs, hating every moment, wishing they never got on the ride, but are stuck now to the end.

And some sit in the last car, getting whipped around without any control over the situation, never knowing whats around the next bend, but by the time they get off they think they might have actually enjoyed the ride.

I myself haven't quite experienced the front car yet, but I do believe I've made my way to the last car.

I did choose to take this ride. I do hate it at times. I do believe it will come to be one of the best rides of my life by the time it is over. I want to come to embrace it.

I'm in the middle of the ride now, trying to hold on and let go at the same time. I stop before I react to situations, then I listen to God, and think, and then I speak and act. I take up my space in my life and try not to let this situation dictate who I am.

Every day I have to take my stance to be strong in the way God directs me. I couldn't do this without a belief in God, because if I didn't believe this was so much bigger than just being here physically, there would be no reason for anything I do.

I appreciate this forum so much. I have had so much support just reading and sharing our stories. Some of us really have a hard road and I hope you can find a way. At the very least, when the ride ends, be at a place in yourself where you know did your best with the experience.

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I too am, 'Youngest as Caregiver'
by: Renata

My father has 8 children, I am the last. I knew the Lord. The Lord was my help with my Father and now still, with my Mother (who has 2 children).

He caused me to see the emptiness in living 'life as usual'. My job was my identity and I became dissatisfied with that - I left my job and did not need another. Eight months later I gave my life to Jesus Christ over TBN and 1 year later I moved out from my fiancee's house and went to my Father's house - at my Father's request.

Today, I have absolutely no regrets. I am Happy, Satisfied full of Grace and Peace. This is so because I continue to learn of, and listen to my Heavenly Father and now I have set myself to accomplish great things for His name's sake.

Jesus is my everything - everything I could want/need I just ask and depend on Him for it. I myself am not special, It's God's plan for my life that I chose to embrace - even though I don't know exactly what/how. I've learned that the secret is in knowing Him. After all He is our Father who loves us, why should we be worry? Fear not, just enter into Jesus' Rest - The Finished Work of the Cross.

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Thank you Renata
by: Erin

Renata, thank you so much for the encouragement, and for the prayers. It is really uplifting to me to read the comments here because it helps to know someone else understands my situation as well as my parents' and what they are going through.

I keep praying for continued compassion on my part and for my mother who is constantly at my Dad's side should he need anything. I admire her stamina, love, patience and devotion to my father.

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You have me so excited!
by: Renata

I wish that we have more people like you in the world - you're getting a kick out of this aren't you? I know it's scary and frustrating sometimes but you still have a fire in your soul!

I am believing for so much for you. I pray that God restores your sight! Just continue to place your trust in Jesus for all your needs. Philippians 4:19; Ps. 37:25; Matt.6:31-33. Feed your spirit with the bread of life continually. I am believing for a totally transformed life for you in the time to come.

Your new life will be richer because of the things you will endure and overcome in this season of your life. May God keep you close to Him and bless you till you beg him to stop! That's my prayer for you - Youngest as Caregiver.

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Original Messenger....
by: Anonymous

Thank you both for your comments- very encouraging and uplifting- thank you again. I have since learned that my father is in an advanced stage of dementia, which explains his confusion, inability to respond, muscle weakness and his change of personality.

My mother has made the rest of my siblings aware of the situation and I have chosen an antidepressant-Prozac to deal with the situation at hand. It's helped too.

With this new development, we're all learning what dementia is and how to respond to my dad. It's not an easy task, but I've resigned myself to still trying to assist my parents and attend school that is about 1 1/2 hours away from our home, with some of my family members helping now- that are able.

It's a learning experience, and one that I'll not regret that I've been able to help my parents when they needed it.

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Helpful Tools
by: Renata

Just thought I'd share about the fact that I used to have TBN "Trinity Broadcasting Network" on, all the time. Once my parents are up, It's on.

I used it to help to re-direct their minds (AND MINE TOO)from thinking fearful thoughts or thoughts of worry or hopelessness. And I would say to them the very same words of comfort that they were listening to.

This proved to be a very wonderful thing for all of us in the house, because we were all aware of the same things being said on the TV and we all understood it and believed it. It did not matter that I was young and they were old. One day we will have each other again without pain, sickness and old age.

TBN helped greatly to make us all sufficiently happy almost every day! God bless TBN!

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Strong
by: Nadia

Hi There, I am the youngest sibling as well. I have an older sister that stays only about 20 minutes from me, but although she is there for me when I need someone to talk to she does not really understand what it is to live with an old person 24 hours and be on call all the time.

Your load is even more difficult as you have two parents to look after. Frustration is the name of the game that I can guarantee you, some days more than others. I know I feel that my mother "stole" my life and I can become very resentful about this.

I do not have advice on how to handle it other than to say I have the same feelings so you are not alone out there. I certainly handle it poorly, throwing tantrums, moaning, just wanting to give up but at the end of the day it does not help, that I know it just makes you sick.

Try and stay calm and look after yourself....first of all you owe yourself that. lots of strength I will be thinking of you

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