I'm Tired, Old, Resentful and Sometimes Think my Mom will Outlive Me

(New Jersey)

I'm 69 years old. My dad lived with me the last 4 years of his horrible disease till his death 3 years ago. All together, I took care of him for almost 9 years before he died, meanwhile my mom was developing Alzheimer's. After my dad passed my mom has continued to live with us. I retired 10 years ago and all I've done is take care of my parents. My dreams of traveling and visiting far away cousins and friends, have not been realized.

My only brother, who never helped with any of this, died almost 7 years ago. I don't have cousins, aunts, or friends nearby. I like writing and last year, against all odds, I managed to self publish a poetry book. I didn't get to enjoy the two book signings I had because there were always issues going on with my mom.

Everything I do has a time limit, depending on the care I have for my mom that day. My son had a bad relationship and is now raising his small boys by himself.

I help him, everyday, by picking up the boys at their school bus stop, helping them with their homework, and feeding them before their babysitter comes in.

I have to time everything just so, because my mom can't be left alone. Next year, when I'm 70 I don't want to be in this predicament but, other than my mom being in a nursing home, I don't see how this will change. I'm so depressed I don't answer phone calls, my husband and I can't go out for a bite together.

We have a timeshare and haven't spent time there, together, for about 6 yrs. I feel very angry and bitter and can't understand why, after working for 45 yrs, I have to be going through this now.

I know that by the time all of this straightens out I'll probably have some incurable disease or Alzheimer's. Sometimes I feel like killing myself but I know that would greatly increase the chances of my son taking his life and it's the main reason why I won't do it.

My husband tells me to take it easy and find ways to entertain myself at home but I'm beyond that, I really hate my life and would welcome going to sleep and never waking up again, which is how my brother died.

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Old and Tired is a Saint
by: Anonymous

I feel so badly for you Old and Tired. After working for 45 years, yes, you most certainly deserve to spend your golden years living and loving life! Especially traveling and writing more poetry. How sad that you couldn't attend your own book signings!

Here's the deal, people are living longer and longer these days. And as a child, who was raised right, you are caring for your elder. It's a given in many cultures. You're a good daughter. While many people understand your frustration and resentment, I'm hoping that your thoughts are just in your head not spoken.

God has a place for you once everything is said and done. Keep your head up. Just a suggestion...Medicare covers some home care. A nurse might be helpful a couple times a week. And maybe hubby could offer to pay for house keeping a couple times a month.

Meals on Wheels might be an option too. There are many resources out there you can look into to alleviate some of your burden. Good luck to you.

I'm with you
by: Bittersweet

I'm pushing 62, divorced, still working and have my 93 year old mother living with me for nearly 12 years.

I have 3 useless brothers, a carefree daughter and no cousins or friends to help out. I feel like by the time my mother dies I'll be too old to enjoy what's left of my life.

Boy, us Baby Boomers sure got screwed.

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