I'm Tired, Old, Resentful and Sometimes Think my Mom will Outlive Me


(New Jersey)

I'm 69 years old. My dad lived with me the last 4 years of his horrible disease till his death 3 years ago. All together, I took care of him for almost 9 years before he died, meanwhile my mom was developing Alzheimer's. After my dad passed my mom has continued to live with us. I retired 10 years ago and all I've done is take care of my parents. My dreams of traveling and visiting far away cousins and friends, have not been realized.


My only brother, who never helped with any of this, died almost 7 years ago. I don't have cousins, aunts, or friends nearby. I like writing and last year, against all odds, I managed to self publish a poetry book. I didn't get to enjoy the two book signings I had because there were always issues going on with my mom.

Everything I do has a time limit, depending on the care I have for my mom that day. My son had a bad relationship and is now raising his small boys by himself.

I help him, everyday, by picking up the boys at their school bus stop, helping them with their homework, and feeding them before their babysitter comes in.

I have to time everything just so, because my mom can't be left alone. Next year, when I'm 70 I don't want to be in this predicament but, other than my mom being in a nursing home, I don't see how this will change. I'm so depressed I don't answer phone calls, my husband and I can't go out for a bite together.

We have a timeshare and haven't spent time there, together, for about 6 yrs. I feel very angry and bitter and can't understand why, after working for 45 yrs, I have to be going through this now.

I know that by the time all of this straightens out I'll probably have some incurable disease or Alzheimer's. Sometimes I feel like killing myself but I know that would greatly increase the chances of my son taking his life and it's the main reason why I won't do it.

My husband tells me to take it easy and find ways to entertain myself at home but I'm beyond that, I really hate my life and would welcome going to sleep and never waking up again, which is how my brother died.

Comments for I'm Tired, Old, Resentful and Sometimes Think my Mom will Outlive Me

Average Rating starstarstarstarstar

Click here to add your own comments

Rating
starstarstarstarstar
I'm with you
by: Bittersweet

I'm pushing 62, divorced, still working and have my 93 year old mother living with me for nearly 12 years.

I have 3 useless brothers, a carefree daughter and no cousins or friends to help out. I feel like by the time my mother dies I'll be too old to enjoy what's left of my life.

Boy, us Baby Boomers sure got screwed.

Click here to add your own comments

Join in and write your own page! It's easy to do. How? Simply click here to return to Caregiver Stress.


Home | Site Map | About | Contact | Privacy Policy | Disclosure

© Copyright evSky Incorporated 2008-2018 | All Rights Reserved


Eldercare for

Aging Parents

Are you having a difficult time with being the "Caregiver" for Mom and Dad?

Click Here to Read What Others are Saying and Leave a Comment About Your Own Experiences....

Or Start your Own Discussion Page!

Recent Articles

  1. Under Surveillance!

    Dec 13, 18 03:31 PM

    Having my 85 year old mom living with us is like being under surveillance. She is constantly watching what we are doing, listening to our conversations

    Read More

  2. Too Alone in This for Too Long

    Dec 13, 18 03:31 PM

    This morning, having my coffee, out of the blue, I had a panic attack. I felt lightheaded, nauseous, high anxiety. I had to stop everything and go lay

    Read More

  3. 8th Christmas with Mom

    Dec 13, 18 03:29 PM

    This year I’m not even putting up a tree. It’s just me and mom and she doesn’t know, nor will remember if told, that Christmas is happening. The day of,

    Read More