I'm the Granddaughter...

My grandfather is 86, has COPD and complications from diabetes & other ailments. His health has been declining for the past 8 months or so. He is still in his home which has stairs between every 'main' room and he is extremely stubborn, refusing to even use a walker or let me move his TV from the downstairs onto a more accessible level.

I am STUCK! I know my grandfather shouldn't be driving (numb legs & dizziness) and that he doesn't keep enough to eat in the house. I know his depression from loneliness is getting worse.

He tells everyone that he is fine but he really isn't! He takes codeine all day for pain, he can't bend over without losing his breath completely, he can't walk more than a hundred feet without having to sit down, his balance is bad and his personal grooming is getting worse all the time.

I don't want to seem like I don't love my grandfather but I am so angry that I have been left to do this all by myself!!! His two daughters tell me that I just need to back off and let my grandfather live how he wants to live and not worry about it. Neither of them are here in the city and I'm pretty sure they both want him to die so that they can have their inheritance. :(

It's ugly and heart wrenching.. I feel so trapped in the middle of all of this.

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by: Graddaughter again..

Hi there, and thank you both for your comments. They helped me a lot during a very difficult time.

I am still helping my grandfather get through his days, but I did take the advice of many people and step back somewhat in order to regain my sense of peace and my sense of self. I also started on some medication which really helped me get over the panic attacks I was having after coming home from his house. There was another stress or going on at the same time and that, too, has ended, so I am feeling much better.

My grandfather's health is very unpredictable and for the past week has been very bad. I am doing what I can but have given up trying to communicate with his two daughters since that was just making me sad and angry when they failed to respond in meaningful ways.

I will note that one of his daughters will be in town as of this weekend so that will be helpful, the only thing is he wants to have a family dinner with all of us there and I honestly cannot talk to this woman ever again. Her heartlessness and her controlling, manipulative nature are too much for me to bear.

I wonder if anyone has any advice on this part of it? I have told my grandfather that I do not want anything to do with his daughters any more but this hurts him greatly ... he won't believe my reasons and doesn't want to get involved but keeps putting me in the position to have to say "no" instead of respecting my feelings.

What would you all do?
Thanks & god bless

Hey, Chill, and be Wise
by: Sanya

Hi, clicked on your post, because just the same situation!! I am the granddaughter and I will post about me too, some other time when I am not tired...

These days, I don't do a lot. In any case, my ma looks after my grandma, and we are all together. I have now moved out for studies, but I try n come as much as I can, on weekends etc.

What I have learned from my experience is that, don't let your grandpa be like that. Don't listen to all that stuff.

My grandma, was getting depressed too, and now she's has Alzheimer's,....so do talk to him....try to make him feel happy..:)

I know, difficult said than done,...I had tried a lot, but eventually gave in.....because we don't have that much patience, to counsel always........

But yes, also don't forget yourself....have some time out for yourself, to listen to your favorite music, or something. Try obtaining good help, who can look after him, at least some of the time...

Please do an update!!

Think of Yourself
by: Roxann

You sound a very nice caring girl. Not many would take on such a responsibility. Maybe, you should listen to your aunties and let him get on with it.

As for them hoping he will die for the inheritance you would be surprised how many children of very elderly parents feel just like that, your aunties are having it good, they don`t have to care for your grandfather, yet will be his heirs should he die, do you benefit in any way?

If not then just look at the situation in the cold light of day. Your grandfather could make a will leaving you a fair share...after all it is you that looks out for him. If he is not prepared to do that then what does that tell you...

Sometimes in this life one has got to become a little bit harder...maybe my reply sounds a little mercenary, but I think your aunties are taking gross advantage of you and now it is your turn.
Good luck

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