I'm Only One Person

I knew when I was 7 years old that one day, I would care for my mother. I watched my mother care for her mother and I knew someday it would be me.

My mother is in her late 80's. I'm in my 50's and have been doing this for several years. Her care needs increased dramatically in the past year.

Beginning at age 31, I took care of an uncle, then my dad, then a cousin and now my mother. My mother needs injections at least twice/day so I must be here every day at lunch-time and dinner-time. I don't have kids but I am married and have a professional career which, ironically, involves the elderly.

I have a sibling but my sibling can't help, for a variety of reasons, and of course my mother gets upset if I suggest that the sibling help, even just a little bit. My husband is very understanding but it would be nice to be at home with him once in a while.

I know this is a marathon, not a sprint, but this weekend just overwhelmed me. However, just writing this and having it read by people who "get it" has been helpful.


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Reading this...
by: Toni

Made me so empathetic for you. I totally get it and so does my husband...but the grand kids don't!! We never hear from any other family members!! )wonder why???)

My 98 year old mother in law lives with us and my husband is wondering when he will get to have fun in his retirement...now he is so stressed out, I am thinking she might outlive him!!

The resentment is building in both of us toward her--we thought we were going to travel, have a little freedom in our Autumn years.

The irony is--by the time Mother passes--someone might have to take care of us!! I guess you just have to keep your head up and smile...somehow.

Good luck in your day to day struggle...sending you a hug...

Currently in Your Shoes!
by: Anonymous

I totally get what you're saying about taking care of your mom. I don't know how you do it, working full time. Have you asked your husband to help out? Or just go with you to your mom's to be close by when you attend to her?

I have been living with my mom for going on ten years. Over the last year, is when I've hit rock bottom. We got the carpets cleaned in her house. And I suggested that her oriental rug that she says she played on at the age of 3--in 1924--also be cleaned. I stressed this because of the animal urine that has smelled on the rug for years.

Sure enough, the carpet people did the best they could to clean the damn thing, but it still reeks of dog/cat pee! She doesn't care and says that she can't smell the stench! My son says to just 'appease' my mom. Hmmm. P.S. am in the beginning stages of Peri-menopause. Everything I smell is intensified greatly! Take care. Jeannie

by: Anonymous

So, when will you have a life? When you mentioned that your mom gets upset if a sibling helps that told me right then and there that you are being used.

Your mother is selfish if she can't understand what all this burden is doing to you. You need to make some changes and I think you know what they are!

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