I'm Going to Go Crazy Soon Living Here

by Daughter Slave

Somehow my life has gotten so messed up.


It is all about taking care of an Alzheimer's mother, who is ungrateful, hostile, oblivious to reality.

I thought I would try to keep her out of the memory care unit at a facility as long as I could. But lately she is screaming at me to get out of her house, and just being mean and hostile most of the time.

I am pretty much a slave from dawn to dark on her behalf every day for years now. It's ironic because I think I'm going to end up being stabbed in the back somehow despite all my selfless caring. Why is that I wonder.

Maybe tomorrow I'll call and put her on a waiting list for the facility, it has gotten to the point where we are both angry much of the time.

Sad.

I know I'll feel terrible when she is in a facility, but how much abuse can I take?

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Sigh.....
by: Anonymous

Dont feel guilty, you have done your best. After 12 years of helping to care for an Alzheimer's brother in law and now 8 years of caring for a Alzheimer's mom{who might just be a mean old bag, we're not really sure.....and that's on top of my 26 year old autistic son who has a toddlers mentality} I have developed a pretty hard shell, and am totally in agreement with the Eskimos who supposedly put the old folks on an ice berg and gave it a good shove.

We (most of us anyway)owe our parents everything.....our very existence, our childhoods, our start in life, our financial support, our educations, you name it they were there for us.

And like so many others I stepped up to the plate when my turn came. But my mom would piss Jesus himself off. He would kick her walker out from under her if He had the chance.

She has the worst personality in the world and the biggest ego combined with the worst prejudices you can imagine to the point where it's embarrassing to be out in public with her, she doesn't care what she says or who's listening.

She has been kicked out of 4 nursing homes because she makes other people cry. Do you know how obnoxious you have to be to get kicked out of a nursing home??

She lives in her own apartment now and when she comes over to me(we live next door) I measure her mood...if she is going to behave herself and be relatively okay{which is 5% of the time} I do what I can to make her happy....if she is on the war path I give her coffee laced with plenty of medications and she just zaps out for the rest of the day.

It's for her own good as well as mine, because she should not be walking as much as she is with her bad feet and spinal stenosis and she falls down several times a day.

Most of the time she gets up fine, I'm beginning to think she is made of the same stuff they make the black box in airplanes, she's really incredibly resilient.

But one of these days she really will hurt herself, and be completely helpless, and then I will have to change her diapers and that will kill us both.

Why don't we get home care help?? She doesn't want to pay for it. She is loaded, but wants her daughters to wait on her hand and foot non stop.

When we do get someone in to help once in a while they don't last long.....no one wants to be around her for any amount of money.

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Thank you for your support
by: Anonymous

It means a lot to me that you took the time to reply to me. I am in awe of your taking care of your mother for so long. I'm sure it must be a strange feeling for you now.

bless you.

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Know What You're Going Through
by: Anonymous

I'm sorry to hear of your difficulties. I went through the same with my 89 year old mother. I hung in there as long as I could.

Not only did she have Dementia but also other health issues, but more severe was Congestive Heart Failure. They are more aggressive and intentionally rebellious with their children. I finally left it to the professionals, but never abandoned her.

I hired 2 loving caregivers to care for her the last 4 years of her life. They do a lot better with professionals. If you're able to financially, I suggest you take the step, that way you will be able to spend more quality time with her and both will be happier. She passed away peacefully 3 weeks ago in her home.

I took care of her 18 yrs, and had professionals the last 4 yrs of her life, and would not change a thing if I had to do it over again. Good luck to you.

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Thank you for your kind comments
by: Anonymous

It helps to hear your comments. She hasn't been too bad lately, I will hang in keeping her at home as long as I can.

The reality of separating from her is hard and scary and sad. Thanks for the support. I'll post future development.

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Crazy soon...its time to take care of YOU!
by: Anonymous

After participating in the care of an Alzheimer's father in law who nearly caused his caregiver wife to be hospitalized from sheer exhaustion, I know what the signs are when it's time to make a change...and you are now at that point.

When the patient begins to be harmful and/or violent towards the caregiver, action has to be taken. Don't wait until an incident occurs where a family member, friend or stranger becomes the target of their uncontrolled behavior.

What if she does attack you? Don't let it get to that point. Take her to get evaluated to determine what stage she is at with this illness. Bend the ear of the healthcare worker about EVERYTHING you have on your plate and find out what resources you have available.

If there are support groups, go to a meeting...you will feel tons better just talking to others in the same boat. You need to join an army of caregivers who can help keep you balanced and focused...only then will you start to feel somewhat better.

I wish you peace and comfort and have you on my prayer list. Hang in there girlie...stay strong and know you are not alone.

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Crazy Soon
by: Kaypasa

I can understand how you feel. I think though, at this point, it's time for Mom to go to a care facility.

One person alone can only do so much.

You will miss her, but you can visit as often as you want and when she begins a tirade, you can just leave. Not something you can do at home, I'll bet.

Take care of both mom and you by getting her the best help possible. Best wishes to you.

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