I'm fed up

by Ayron

Hi I'm 20 years old and i live with my mother and sister. My sister is 18 and she works at our local grocery store and is usually doing her own thing. My mother is 50 and she has a bed sore that is open and big. She has diabetes and high blood pressure and stomach problems.

I mean the list is never ending. My mother is a very manipulative and lying person when she wants to be. At one point she was addicted to pain medicine. I dont know what to believe.

She always coming back home and not worried about anything except smoking cigarettes and wanting to be changed. Im tired of dealing with her. I cant even walk in my house and breath because she'll want something. Bring me this bring me that. Turn me turn me turn me! I want a cigarette. Help help is all she yells if she doesn't get one and she will throw her table and her stuff all over the place showing her ass like a little kid.

For a cigarette. It drives me crazy! Ive had to pick it up three times in one day because shes crazy. She wont even work on getting better. She wont let me help her sit up or move her leg.

She just wants to lay get changed bring her drink and food and turn her every minute and a cigarette every single minute like damn you dont got to smoke that much!

Shes got me to the point that I hate her a little bit. Ive even asked myself when is she going to actually die so I dont have to put up with her shit anymore. But than i feel guilty because she is my mother and i still love her.

But she is nothing like the mother I miss. She is so needy and lazy and won't put any effort in getting better gor herself or anyone else. Maybe I'm the one tripping idk I just know I
work every other day and I get so tired like I feel stressed out all the time.

I have anxiety and maybe depression I hate my life and I hate everyone. Literally like i only get up everyday and continue with my life because I know that it ain't my choice to decide when my life is over. Its God choice.

But I have 0 interest in having friends, hanging out, I rather stay to myself 24/7 when I'm not working or on my mothers beck and call. I literally feel like for the rest of my life in going to be miserable especially if I'm still takibg care of my mother.

I just need someone to give me some advice. And not the generic b.s. like real advice. Someone who is been through something similar to my situation. I feel like picking my stuff and leaving to god knows where.

I hate it here. I can't even sleep half the time. I'll stay up all night til 1 or 2 the morning and get up at 7 or 8 or 9 in the morning depending on my work schedule.

I feel so exhausted everyday I'm so surprised I'm still going even now as i type this. I just wanna know what to do to make my mother wanna change and get better and how should I do this. Should i stick around.

I mean I would feel really. Guilty if i left her. And thats like she knows I have work in the morning and she asks for ice water, turn her, this and that. And im not talking one time and im complaining. Im talking about every 5 10 minutes.

Like no joke she thinks ff stuff to bother me i feel like. Thats what makes me hate hurt. Like im exhausted. Let me sleep. She will tell and just tell if I dont come too. Like I need rest my own self. Im mot a robot dude! Please help me before I lose my mind!

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