I'm Dealing with a Progressive Disease, Caring for 87 Year Old Mother
(Barrie, Ontario, Canada )
I'm 54. Mom has been an alcoholic and was a mean one growing up. I have a gentleman friend and son, and all in one house now. My son is now angry and refers to her as "Old Hag".
I hated weekends growing up, mom would get incredibly drunk, and order me to clean, not do homework and become physical with dad and me.. My brother was hardly yelled at or ordered around.
Mom stopped drinking when my son was 19, so sadly he saw how drunk grandma was one night.
Dad passed the year we all agreed to move. Now every weekend again, is like she is drunk. Mean, aggressive, demanding, hating my boyfriend and ordering him to leave. Foul mouth bringing up the past with so much hate, she shakes and her face is soaked with sweat.
50 years have passed caring for her and dad, 27 years raising my son with Autistic Spectrum Disorder. I have no regrets with my son, except the horrible ways he was treated at schools.
With so much hate between mom and my friend, I have fallen out of love with him. I just hate when he comes home, stress jumps up and I run to keep mom as calm as I can.
My brother just says I made mom move and he knew this would happen. He visits every other year and I become his servant too,
I can't do this anymore. Mom "forgets" her medication often so i either rush her to Emergency or call an ambulance for high blood pressure.
She is so pleasant and sweet in the hospital as well as well as staff at stores., and always hear, "I'm so lucky to have such a sweetheart for a mom".
Since I never got the chance to go to University (and I knew one day my son would become independent), my dream of becoming a Nurse has fizzled.
Since I now have a life threatening disease, I don't want to wait, I want to die now. Perhaps mom would find peace with me gone. This is not the life I so dreamed of.
As a little girl I convinced myself if I just waited things would change and I would no longer be a coward to my mother. How much more do I have to wait? I'm empty.