I was 'volunteered' by my by sibling to care from my parents

by Traci
(Boise, ID)

My parents are steadily declining in health, and I've been designated as the person to lead the caregiving responsibilities. I feel like I've been blindsided.


Six weeks after giving birth to my daughter, my mother had a stroke. I feel like I can't focus on my own family because several times every week there's another health scare, medical need, trip to the ER, pending surgery, problems with doctors, problems with insurance companies, etc.

This is the hardest thing I've ever gone through. I feel sad and I feel angry. I feel like I'm aging at an accelerated rate because of the stress and lack of time and focus to take care of myself!

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Thank you
by: Anonymous

I just want to reach out and thank you for replying to my post. I appreciate your advice.

This is all very difficult. My stubborn, know-it-all father makes everything harder because he's always made the decisions.

His machismo is rampant, and I'm realizing that he's a male chauvinist: Men are right, men make the decisions, women keep the house clean and feed the kids.

He makes everything more difficult because his mind is closed to any plan that is different from his own.

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Babies First
by: Anonymous

Caring for children is a full-time job and caring for a baby doubly so. I agree with the previous posters here. You need to be positively selfish here for the sake of your baby and your family. Speaking from experience, caring for an elderly parent can drag on for many many years and take every ounce of your mental and physical energy. Is this really what you want?

You have a life and a family to build and this is where you should be directing your energies. There are other caring alternatives for the elderly that are not going to destroy your sanity and well-being; you owe to it to yourself and your baby to remove yourself from this situation as a matter of urgency. Best of Luck.

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Most Nursing homes are awesome
by: Anonymous

Please consider nursing home placement and don’t feel guilty about it. You own sanity and health are worth keeping.

Nursing homes nowadays are no longer like the ones you hear in horror stories of the past. They are clean, safe, and routinely inspected by the health department. They have an activities department to keep residents engaged.

Care staff are highly trained professionals who love their jobs even if it’s hard dirty work. They work 8 or 12 hour shifts, then go home to their own family/personal lives.

They are not "stuck at work 24/7". Any behavior from residents are not taken personally like it would be if it were coming from their own parents. I work in health care and have first hand experience in the care facility and at home.

I 100% HATE caring for immediate family members at home and will happily only do this kind of work at work only. I am ready to put my own disabled husband in the nursing home.

I can no longer tolerate his behavior towards me or my teen daughter who only wants to do what is normal for kids her age. I’m sick of the 24/7 work shift. Over all I love the man he used to be, but hate the selfish demanding ogre MS has turned him into.

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your primary responsibility
by: Anonymous

your responsibility is to your baby and family.
you are absolutely not wrong to tell your siblings you cannot. They should never have put you in this position in the first place. You are not at that stage of life.

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Set a boundary
by: Anonymous

Someone else needs to care for your parents right now. This is too much for any new mother. Inform the siblings you are quitting, and walk away Do what you need to do for yourself and your baby.

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