I want to be happy

by Kay
(Massachusetts )

Since shortly after getting married I began helping my parents. They lived with us foe a couple of years till they got in senior citizen housing. Care continued and evolved to more time at their place than my own. Also helped 3 unmarried aunts at the same time. We tried hiring help when we were unavailable.

Finally dad passed and mom moved in 5 years ago.

I continued helping my aunts until 2019 once a week and more until last one passed.
I miss my freedom and privacy as we do not have an in-law apartment.

My mom is very sweet but very needy and does not like even being alone in a room even though we’re in the house.

My siblings are very little help. One has never helped at all and flat out refused. The other will visit at her convenience.

I’ll voice my unhappiness and will hear an “I’m sorry”.

I still work and fortunately my husband watches mom when I do. I try to work less so he has some freedom. But gone are the days we can go off together. It’s a three act play getting my sister here.

She comes late and wants to leave early.

I even told her my husband was having a rough week and if she was coming I wanted to take him out to eat. Her response was “we’re coming at 12 and want to leave early!”

They came at 1 and left before 3. Needless to say we didn’t go out.

I’m still angry. I would’ve tried to relieve the caregiver (my husband) if it had been the other way around. After all this is OUR mother! Not my husbands.

I’m bitter and unhappy.

My mom is a sweet but very needy person. I feel like my joy and empathy have been drained from my body. I feel guilty because she is sweet and she still has some mobility.

She’s in need of help with dressing and bathing but still toilets herself.. So she’s not total care (which someone so nicely pointed out).
My husband tells me I’m worn down from YEARS of service for 5 elderly people.

Again I just want to be happy, I try doing puzzles, reading, cards, cleaning when I I’m trapped at home but I’m still so frustrated!

Any help would be greatly appreciated!

Unhappy daughter

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Since they won't help physically
by: Anonymous

tell your siblings they need to give you FINANCIAL support so you and your sweet husband can HIRE people to come help and give you a break. And send them a bill! Don't accept "no" either.

Figure out how much mom costs being in the house - it takes extra utilities and food to have her there - and bill them. Hugs for you for being such a great daughter and SHAME ON THEM for being so slack. She's their mom too!

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