I want my life back!

by Kim
(Wichita, KS)

Around xmas 2012 I get a call from my brother stating mom was in CICU and had pneumonia and heart issues.


I'd already flown back 2 months prior trying to get her to get medical attention which she refused and another time about 4 months prior. OK, so now I'm going back a 3rd time in less than 6 months and I live over 2,000 miles away.

This time I get a one way ticket back to Kansas on xmas day and go without sleep for 3 days to pack up all my stuff and clean out my townhouse rental, and have my SUV left at a parking lot later to be transported across the country.

All this left me in hole about 5 grand.

Fast forward nearly a year, Nov 22nd. a single 49 year old woman who's been out of work for nearly a year as a technical aerospace designer who made a good middle class income up in Seattle.

Now I'm going through my savings and borrowing from my credit cards to keep afloat.

I've jumped through so many hoops to be there for my mother all my life. Now when she really needs me to be there for her all I can think is "I'm not getting my life back and escape all this until she's 6 feet under" and I really love and care for her but I know if things were reversed she would never dream of putting herself out the way I have.

If she continues to live I give up my life and sanity to care for her and if she dies suddenly I'll be deeply depressed. Either way, I lose. And you go into poor house to do this. I've give up my friends, home, sanity, income to become her doormat.

If I could have seen where I would be today there is no way I would have done all this. I would have visited her in the hospital and stuck around for a few weeks to look after her but I would have gone back to Washington. I would have offered to take her with me but she would never leave Kansas.

I don't think I'm a selfish daughter because I've been looking after her even as a child because she's always had mental health issues. How many grade schooler's do you know who've had to take a loaded pistol from their parent who was considering suicide.

I hate my life right now!

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