I Want my Dad to Live with Me.. Says He Wants to Live with Caregiver.

by GiGi
(Houston, Texas)

I have always been close to my Dad and when his wife passed away 3 months ago, I assumed he would want to live with me.

My Dad is 82 years old.

He has a live in caregiver whom we pay. I live in another state and brought him with me to live for 7 weeks because the Caregiver has a second job and goes out of state.

I was hoping my Dad would stay and live with me but he said he missed his house. During his visit with me, my brother who was against this move was talking negative to him about him being with me.

Brother visits once in a blue moon and is not hands on. I make sure my Dad's bills are paid and when caregiver goes out of town I go and stay with my Dad. Siblings are no help at all. Two hardly visit him at all.

I have run out of time at work and am just trying to hold on to my job. I would like my Dad to just stay living with me but he wants to stay in his house that he and his wife have been in for over 20 years.

Also, brother speaking negative doesn't help the situation. I have spoken to my Dad and he is in sound mind and knows what is going on. I don't feel he quite understand the strain this puts on me.

No one else worries about his care. Yet they are quick to criticize if I spend his money on getting help.

Traveling back and forth is taking a toll on me. I am feeling very resentful.

I'm not sure what to do!!!

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by: Leasa

You say that your dad is of sound mind. You love your dad. So, respect his wishes.

There is nothing wrong with telling your dad and siblings (if you care to) that you cannot keep traveling to your dad. If your siblings are so against you taking on this roll of 1st hand caregiver, then be frank and honest. Don't beat around the bush. Tell them.

And, tell your dad that you love him dearly would love him to come and stay with you...but because of YOUR LIFE and YOUR JOB you cannot come down to see him as often or absorb so much responsibility.

Then it is okay to ask your dad to talk it out with the negative child....I think they might eventually come to see things your way.

If not, it's all good. You have to respect what your dad wants...as does he have to respect your needs.

Step back. Look at it for what it is. You will see it for what it is. Leasa

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