I Thought it Was Just Me
I have resentment for a sister I used to idolize as a child, but really have developed negative feelings for her since she does nothing to help my mom or the situation. Since our dad died I have been criticized for helping my mom. There was no life insurance and she had no income. She can't drive, has no credit, lives in a rural, isolated unmanageable house in need of many repairs. Long story, has depression and apathy and was broken down verbally, emotionally and even physically attacked by him on occasions that we saw growing up.
I am criticized by my sister who moved halfway across the country, to be purposefully far away and even said this to me, several years before his death. He hurt her too, and she hates him.
Resents my mom "for not protecting us". She was a battered woman, but would dish it out too on occasion. Childhood was grim, though I wasn't abused I witnessed all this and was fearful, felt guilt and was very quiet. I was even close to my dad, after my sister left home I was a teen, he was ill from a heart condition for years and confided all his regrets and apologized for the anger and his behavior.
Doesn't make it right but it helped me. He didn't get to tell her, on her occasional visits, I think she knew that he wanted to talk about it, but she wouldn't give him the chance, and really hated him. I have felt her resentment-towards me, really for about 21 years.
Long story but helping my mom makes me a loser, Mom made her bed, those are her decisions to end up like that- well yes, I suppose but I had to help her with no one else, I just couldn't leave. I knew what she went through.
So, sister and me don't talk much, we'll text then she ignores me for days. can't mention this mom situation cause I'm blabbering again and I'm sucking her energy. The rare time I call she never answers. People are into their cell phones, I know this.
So, I've tried to keep this resentment to myself to not accelerate her to have a reason to break it all off, which would really hurt my mom. I've blown up a few times.
I foolishly cosigned a car for her when she was in school a few states away, (mind you, she's older) then graduated a year after my dads death and says, I'm giving the car back to the dealer, gonna do bankruptcy, convinced her to drive the car to me, which was crap and because my old car died, and I did not trust hers.
I ended up paying off that remaining 9K
loan on top of the 13K used car I bought. And she made late payments... she knew what she was doing. I resent that and feel it's a crummy thing to do. Lesson learned. Somehow we (my mom and me)always pay her hundreds of dollars for her plane ticket every rare occasion she visits, even though she makes good money.
I sent her $500 9 months ago when she needed money and cried, but she hasn't mentioned it or when she's going to pay me back. And I just paid a ton of money for a my last summer class for my bachelors.
She has no interest in when I graduate, never asked. It's like I feel bad she's far away but she went far away on purpose to not see my parents, and I'm included because I'm very close with my mom and being her to the cemetery about monthly.
For me there's really nothing there, only some dumb illusion we have some connection, she's into the occult as well. Not me. I'm just a dumb woman that years ago, climbed onto my mom's roof in the winter, the evening before a school exam, to put cement patch all over the chimney to stop the leaking.
Among a freaking bunch of other repair work, that I had to figure out cause there was no money, and thank you sister NO help. But I brought it all on myself for helping my mom. I have a ton of resentment towards the sister for the lack of caring.
However, this experience has taught me many life skills, and I'm not dependent on any man. I can do a lot of my own home repair work. Go a miter saw and figured it out and doing new moldings. I think she'll have regrets but she could care less about my mom or me.
I don't want regrets, so I kinda let it ride. The silent treatment occurring now is that I took my mom to look at a tiny house less than a block from me and got pre approved. It's not the house for her, gotta sell hers first, but it was a new experience and my mom was so excited to just go look at it, like she realized she has options.
It breaks my heart. I did enjoy texting the sis what all went on, but now I kind of think it pissed her off- silence and voicemail. Maybe I'll print this out and send it to her in the mail. We can't let our pain consume us, find something you are good at that you love to do- a skill- for me it's using my tools and not paying a guy to do stuff for me, I get a HUGE satisfaction.