I thought I was Crazy until I Found Boomers

by Sandra
(US)

Yes, I resent that my mother supported both of my brothers all of their lives. My younger brother died of an overdose of the "drug cocktail" from a "pain clinic" while living with my mother. She feels guilty for not trying to wake him up sooner and possibly saving his life. He died 7/07/07.


My older brother was an alcoholic with COPD, living in mom's RV on his property without water and she paid his bills. He died 8/13/13.

My 96 year old mother still drives and still lives alone. She has been difficult since time began. She has always liked men and our relationship was always strained.

I live 50 miles away and spend an average of 1 day/week with her and 1 hour/day on the phone. I have no control, nothing I do is right, and I have a horrible feel that I'll feel guilty when she's gone. However, right now, I'm thinking that she is going to outlive me.

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You are your own person
by: Gina

You're not a baby and she's not your mommy. Deal with her like the adult that she is and stop going back to dysfunctional reactions to her. You do know that no one has power over you unless YOU give it to them, right?

Draw boundaries for her behavior towards you. You can politely but firmly tell her she can't talk to you or treat you in a way that is disrespectful or manipulative. Let her have her men and spend less time focusing on her until she really needs and welcomes your productive and appreciated help (and this is all dependent upon her being lucid and not cognitively impaired, in which case she can't help how she acts and decisions she makes). Wishing you well!

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Not Crazy, But Maybe
by: Anonymous

Sandra, I *was* crazy until my mother died last year. I became an angry, fearful, hostile, wimp from dealing with her for five intense, declining years. She was extremely difficult to deal with and I had to have her declared incompetent in county court.

She ran me ragged and demanded instant service, but refused to let me get help or to move to a memory care facility until I went to court.

I apologized to everyone constantly--"I'm sorry," were the first words out of my mouth with almost everyone, even passing strangers. I jumped 10 feet every time the phone rang--even TV phones. I was often in tears and one time spent an evening crying into my dog Jack's shoulder, wailing, "Oh, Jack."

A few months after my mother died, I realized I'd stopped that. My relationship with her was nothing like your experience, but sometimes the results are the same. It took me a year and Prozac to climb out of the hole I was in.

So yes, we are all some kind of crazy here until we're released. At least you're in good, supportive company!

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