I Seriously Need Advice
by Third Sister
I am the third (daughter) of my mom's seven children. My mom and two older sisters live in FL - the other siblings all live in the Northeast. Both older sisters are retired, while I work from a home office and have some flexibility. One of the younger siblings is a hopeless addict who shows up only when she needs help - the others are all still working full time and raising families.
My mom is becoming unable to live alone. She can't get herself from the house to the car safely, or from the parking lot to the store entrance. She can't walk her own dog, change a light bulb, carry groceries, etc. She's pretty much okay mentally (IMO).
I moved to Mom's town about a year ago, so she'd have someone close by in an emergency, but I quickly became the "chosen one." My two sisters live two hours across the state, and I'd like to live closer to them, but can't leave Mom. So the plan is for Mom and me to move together to my sisters' town. I would need to buy a house and have Mom live with me.
Mom has always liked to be cared for and waited on even when she was well. I imagine that once she's living with me, my daily workload will double with shopping, meals, errands, pet care, laundry, etc. I have asked my sisters to commit themselves to specific types of help with Mom's care, and they both insist they're willing to help and "do their share", but they resist being pinned down about exactly what help they'll provide. They get angry that I'm questioning their sincerity about helping. We're already fighting and we're still looking at houses - Mom and I haven't even moved yet.
I realize this is still all hypothetical to them. It's much more real to me since I've been Mom's "helper" for the last year and I can see it getting much, much worse. But I still worry I could be jumping from the frying pan into the fire, and I'll really be stuck once we buy a house.
Am I making a terrible mistake? What can I do to help make this situation work? I have nobody to discuss this with.