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Not an easy decision for you
by: Anonymous

First off, (and, of course, I don't you, and wouldn't presume to know how you feel), this isn't an easy decision, and whatever decision you make, you'll probably have misgivings, and perhaps even regrets, from time to time.

I am a registered nurse, and have worked in a nursing home. I have also had personal experience in a similar situation with my grandmother. So, part of my views stem from both circumstances.

In your situation, though, it seems from the things that you have written that you are probably overwhelmed, as you can't give your entire attention and time to either your small children or to your father in law. And if we are to be honest, they probably each need the attention and time.

You probably also don't have time for yourself and your spouse or other family members, and all of this really takes a toll.

Have you spoken to your father in law about whether he might prefer another living situation, possibly assisted living? How does he feel? Perhaps he might prefer that? What does your husband think? These are also things to consider.

However, I would encourage you to begin looking at his finances, and at yours. You'll have to decide how much you can afford to put toward his care, if anything. Then, you'll need to know exactly what social security benefits, Medicare benefits, and even Medicaid benefits your(father in law) has or will be able to qualify for upon moving to a nursing home.

There are social workers that are available, and willing, to help with just these questions. Either your physician or your FIL's can recommend one.

The finances will pretty much dictate exactly which of the adult care centers in your area you should look into. (You might even call a random nursing home and explain your situation. These people can also recommend a social worker or benefit coordinator).

That's the best way to start, in my opinion. You wouldn't want to waste time and effort looking at nursing care centers until you know your finances and what you/he can, or is willing to, afford. In the meantime, while you're doing that, you might look into adult day care for your FIL.

Also, though it might be difficult for your husband to do, he should call the biological children and explain the situation. They should, at least morally, though also legally in some states, help with his care (at least monetarily), even if they aren't willing to do anything else.

I think everyone (though again, I'm not presuming to know how you feel) has some doubt, anxiety or anguish over this decision. However, you must put you and your family first. Perhaps you can visit the nursing care center often.

Also, perhaps he might need a single room? You can always furnish the care center room with a TV (you may have to purchase cable, it depends on the facility) and other things of comfort.

I hope this helps, at least a bit. I don't want to overstep my boundary (more than I probably have) or overwhelm you with information. Good luck to you.

you have to make a decision
by: Anonymous

Sadly, it may be time to face the unfortunate fact that your step dad needs to be placed in a nursing facility.

I know it is not an easy decision but you can not take care of him on your own. We had to do it with my dad. We had no other choice. My mother could not take care of him. I wish you luck!

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