I Love These Folks But...
(El Cajon California)
This is my second time writing. I wanted to clarify some things I said. I do love my parents in law. It hasn't always been easy but they are great people. We've been taking care of them for three years.
Now it looks like it is time for us to move in for better care. I know I have no choices here, I just didn't realize how much privacy and time we will be giving up not to mention also giving up my job. I've already told the "not interested" part of the family that I cannot quit a paying job for a non paying job. My husband and I are struggling enough.
If these folks were to go into assisted living, at 5 to 7 thousand a month, they would only have enough to see them thru for about 4 years, after that, we would have to pay to help them out. I would be a whole lot more comfortable if it was my Mom and Dad I was doing this for as my brothers and sister all want to help.
However as a daughter in law, I really have no rights here. As I said before, my husbands brothers want no part of this but don't mind trying to kick us all over the place. Very soon I will be standing up and saying what needs to be said. It won't change anything as the folks made it clear that they want us helping them. They seem to trust us the most.
This is so hard. I'm 54 and am in a working marriage. My husband demands that I (try) to work as hard as him. After 30 years of nearly non stop work, I am already worn out. Where do I find the strength to take on two 87 year old's in the same mental state? I'm terrified one of them will fall and injure themselves and somehow I would be blamed.
I've read nearly every letter on this site and there seems to be no solutions. It is a sad state of affairs when ANY family member dumps the folks on another with no promise of any kind of help. I truly hope their own kids treat them as poorly. Shame on all of them.