I love her BUT

by Diana

I do love her, always have, and have no doubt she loves me, BUT I have NO LIFE except to help her, drive her, prepare her meals-she does NOT like to eat what we eat, do her shopping, manage all her needs from doctors' appointments to buying all the products to support her incontinence.

She tries, (she says) BUT she seems unsatisfied that I do not do enough for her. Given my above 'rant', I have found some practices that have helped me out. I push all three tri-yearly doctors' appointments into the same week of the month, then the blood work will satisfy them all.

I keep up with of all her incontinence needs by ordering in case lots. I keep her medications managed by filling daily-AM and PM doses-in monthly containers.

It drives me crazy that when in the doctors' offices she will not listen to what each doctor is saying but rather she talks about her great grandchildren and gets photos out of her purse and has me show photos from my tablet. Then asks: "what did he say?"

It sounds like I have little to complain about... so, I don't know why I feel that I am borderline angry!!! I want to say: PLEASE just let me have some time... ?

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I Really Understand - But I think Your Mom Traded Places With My Mom!
by: Laughatmyself

I loved your comments! I think your Mom and my Mom are twins!

I need new shoes because I have holes in the soles of my shoes due to running to Walmart three times a day for my parents!

Thanks so much for making me feel like I'm not floating in this boat alone - even though I often feel like it is going over a waterfall with me in it!

I did find something that helps me resent less my dragging all those heavy groceries up the ramp into their house with multiple trips from the car.

I found a folding canvas wagon at Walmart in the camping section. It is so lightweight, and I now only have to make one trip from the car up the ramp with the mountain of groceries.

It's only one small step for womankind, but it has taken away some of the grumpiness on grocery shopping days. :)
Thanks again for sharing!

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To Diana
by: Anonymous

You are "borderline crazy" because you are like so many of us who have ended up being caregiver for one or both of our parents.

Remember this one thing: YOU count. YOUR life and desires count. When no body else can see it that way, you have to find within yourself to find it.

I know, however, that in the midst of caregiving its not easy to do that because you've gotten so used to putting another person's life and needs first. What good are you to others, though, if you can't function?

It boils down to YOU taking care of yourself FIRST. Nobody else will do that for you so quit thinking somebody is going to save you. Save yourself - get counseling and/or hire help and/or start demanding other step up to help. Otherwise you will end up being a bitter old woman without a life.

Love yourself enough to do something for YOU.

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I Really Understand
by: Anonymous

I think a lot of us here are piloting various models of this same boat. My mother doesn't live with me, but neither will she permit even a part-time caregiver and certainly will not move to any sort of facility.

So I'm *it* and yesterday, for example, she called me 23 times. If she has to leave a message she gets mad. My being in the bathroom is no excuse ("Don't you take the phone with you??").

It all drives me crazy and my resentment has been honed to razor-sharpness. The other day I got impatient and told her that someone had taken my mother and left this one in her place. BOOM.

However, I can see that you've caught on to a couple of little things to make your life easier, such as coordinating lab work and getting case lots of incontinence supplies. I'm doing that too.

In fact, I have learned to order online just about everything I can to save wear and tear on myself. Given her own way, my mother would have me arrive at her house every morning at ten and stay until midnight.

She'd send me on errands all over town and have me lugging heavy groceries and unwieldy boxes. As it is, I'm supposed to make things convenient while bargain-shopping as well.

She tells me she appreciates everything I do, but somehow none of it really quite measures up. There's always a little failure in there somewhere, a deed done incorrectly. She's also become so hostile and negative, I feel like I'm with one of Harry Potter's De-mentors (De-mentors feed upon human happiness, and thus cause depression and despair to anyone near them.)

Just waiting for the end.

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