I Knew this Day Would Come but Still Not Ready
I'm 45 and the picture of a sandwich generation. I have 3 kids of my own with the youngest just leaving the nest this year. I find myself frustrated.
I knew this day would come that I would be facing the beginning phases of being a caregiver. It's not fair! I'm supposed to be planning children's weddings, going to college myself, planning trips and enjoying life. Instead I find that I must worry about my mother.
My sisters both passed, as has my father. My mother was an only child. There is no one else.
I feel very alone in my adventure. I try not to let on about the frustration I feel. She doesn't deserve that. She took care of me as a child, it is now my responsibility to care for her.
I fear the day when I lose her. How will I feel being all alone, the sole survivor of a family unit?
The doctors recently told her she shouldn't drive over 50 miles from home. We live 3 1/2 hours from her. The day is coming when we have some difficult decisions to make. I want to enjoy my time with my husband. I want to live life. Instead I wonder will I resent or regret my decisions.
I try to take each day as it comes. My husband he tries but he has no comparison. He can't understand. He is supportive but still I find he lacks in the empathy department. My pity party is done.
I prepare for what is going to be one of the best worst holidays of my married life. I will not regret taking my mother on this trip but I am not looking forward to being at her beck and call over the next few days.
The sacrifices I will make will be looked at with fond memories but that doesn't help me today. I know I sound like a spoiled rotten ungrateful brat. I always knew these days would come I just wish I was a little older.