I have more Resentment and Anger...

by MHD
(Syracuse, NY)

My mom had a stroke the day after Thanksgiving 2010. I was out of town at the time and rushed home. On the plane ride home, all these thoughts entered and I felt guilty for not spending more time with her or paying more attention to her, etc. I prayed and prayed and promised that if she made it that I would cherish her more and more.

Fast forward to 3 months later and she finally came home after a month in the hospital and 2 months in in-patient rehab. She had paralysis on her right side (her dominant side) and was wheelchair bound. I dropped everything, work and my life, in order to stay home with her to take care of her. I couldn't ask my dad to do that because he was the bread maker of the family.

The first month was rough having to do everything for her. Taking care of her every need. Little by little she was able to slowly walk again, with the assistance of a hemi-walker but her much weakness. It's a start, right?

Once she started walking again, she lost all motivation and hope of even trying to get better. All she would do is lay on the couch all day, not eat, not take her medications and just not want anything to do with life. Signs of depression, I felt and of course insurance only paid for a limited amount of home care therapy and that was done by March.

This past April,she ended up in the hospital again after her 2 day in out-patient therapy because her blood pressure kept increasing and was dangerously high. She stayed in the hospital for a day and we
thought that maybe this "scare" was enough to get her motivated to get up and exercise again. In the hospital she promised us she would try, promised this and that...in the end...once she was discharged and came home...she was back to her old self.

Now it's mid-June and I've felt anger and resentment towards her for the past 3 months now. I cringe at the thought of coming home or even being home. I can't stand to talk to her or be anywhere near her. I get irritated when she is 100% capable of doing things yet, she tells her elderly husband that he must do this and that for her. He, feeling guilty himself that she's sick, will do things for her when he knows she can do it and she has to practice doing it in order to get better.

I'm irritated at home all the time and it seems like the more I tell my dad that she can do it, the more he doesn't listen to me. The more I tell her she needs to exercise or go outside and walk around, the more she ignores me as well.

I'm under 30 and everyone tells me I still have my future to worry about. I went back to school for the Spring semester and am hoping to study in the Medical field, like I wanted to before but had to quit school in order to start working and help support the family. None of my siblings are around and everyone around me thinks it's a piece of cake taking care of her. I don't know what else to do and I feel now I am being taken for granted.

What do I do?

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Stroke changes Moms
by: Anonymous

My Mom has not been the same since her stroke in 95. She is a different person.

I feel like my true Mom died the day she had the stroke. She is in a Nursing Home now because she requires so much care, that neither of the 3 daughters left can do it at home. My Dad has passed and all their money was dwindled away to O by the medical care needed when we were trying to keep them at home.

Medicaid pays for her care and we each contribute $40/month so she can have hair done, phone, etc. I am a baby boomer and it makes me not care whether I have any money for retirement or not because it would all be lost if I needed care. I have considered long-term care insurance but have never gotten any.

My only son will never be able to take care of me if I fall ill. His life is too full now. I just walk daily and try to take real good care of myself so I hopefully will not need someone else to care for me. I do have a wonderful husband but would not want to saddle him with that job either. I don't have answers, just sympathy.

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