I have become Cinderella

by Maggie
(Ohio)

I don't know if I'm a boomer. I'm 44. My mother-in-law had a stroke. Fairly minor, but she's trying to stay in her own home alone.


I have prepped her house, cooked her meals, I get her paper for her every day. I cleaned her house top to bottom before she came home.

Her daughter won't help me. I can't get her to do her own mother's laundry once a week. I'm doing laundry for my two boys (second and fifth grade) and a husband, and now I'm working in hers too.

I don't know why her daughter won't visit long enough to do some freaking laundry. Today's visit was one hour long and she brought her two dogs and let them lay all over the furniture, so tomorrow I will make the brunch early and go over there and clean before the therapist comes.

God did not put me here to be Cinderella for my sister-in-law. I'm having real anger issues with this. She doesn't call to check on her and won't answer texts about her mother anymore. She just wants to live her life and not be affected.

She has no children, just dogs, only works part time, and can't find the time to drive 40 minutes and spend time with her mother and do some stupid laundry.

Why does she have to bring the stupid dogs? I guess my new name is Cinderella. I bet she and the boyfriend are having a real laugh about it.

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I'm Cinderella TOO!!!
by: Anonymous

I feel that glass slipper squeezing my toes too, honey! Just a couple weeks ago, I called myself Cinderella and I called my sister Pollyanna. Now just call me Bitch--my sister does and she says "everybody says so". Glad she knows everybody!

Unlike you, I am dealing with my own mother and my own sister (and a brother--we'll call him the Frog because Prince Charming would be too good).

My mother is in assisted living and I sold my house so I could move 900 miles to be near her to oversee her care. I do her laundry every week and field the late night calls from the aides or the emergency room. I have to be on call 24/7. The demands have been very stressful.

My brother has never been involved--last summer my mother nearly died and when family was called to pay their last respects, he not only did not come, he didn't even call to see how she was for over two weeks. He just came to see her for her 100th birthday last week--only because my sister lied to him and said our mother was seriously ill and might not live to see her birthday (very despicable of her to do that). Before that, he had not seen her for years--did not bother. He lived closest to her when she still lived up north and he never went to see her. My sister has come down five times in the last couple years (my mother paid for her expenses), but she has caused more problems with her visits than provided support.

It's so hard when there's someone who insists on second guessing everything when they come to visit irregularly and don't see everything every day. It's like having a back seat driver who isn't even in the car. I can resent having all this responsibility dumped on me, but I don't as long as I don't feel like Cinderella. My siblings got everything growing up and I was like an afterthought. It's ironic that I'm the one who ended up looking after our mother--we never had a close relationship going all the way back to when I was a very little girl.

I'm doing the best I can. My brother doesn't appear to care enough to do as much and my sister can't do everything I can do. She always wants to butt heads or push the responsibility back on me so she doesn't get her hands dirty. If she doesn't like anything I do, she calls me a bitch. Funny, this bitch takes care of her mother and has been for most of 7 years. Her mother is happy, healthy and thriving at 100 years old now--how can anyone have a problem with that?

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Sorry to hear that
by: Anonymous

I'm sorry to hear that, sometimes people distance themselves from the parents for a reason. I'm not saying so in this case because you might not know what happened in the past.

I spent a lot of the time with my mother. I got home from the navy and spent every weekend together taking her shopping etc. I spent a majority of the time helping her and seeing her.

When people get old they get mean and that is what happened in her case, nothing I did was good enough, we bought things to help her and she didn't want them.

She put me down all my life at every turn, she finally forced me into what I thought was a heart attack. I had to finally stop helping her because I would come home upset and crabby. She would tell me horrible things that I would never find a husband because no one would want me, That I was fat and a horrible daughter, at every turn she abused me.

I couldn't take it anymore I had to give her care over to my brother.

Today I don't see her much anymore because I just can't take her bullying. I love her but I'm not going to take them from her.

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Sister-In-Law Issue
by: Anonymous

One thing I've learned about this caregiving stuff is when to put my foot down.

I have one question for you .... where is your husband? It is his and his sister's mother! The task of caring for her should not be dumped on you just because you're a more compassionate and/or good natured person than they are.

If you don't stand up for yourself on this, I can guarantee you'll be the designated caretaker in that family all your life.

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