I Get It
I think people block us out because they operate by blocking out any feelings or guilt that they have about leaving the entire responsibility to one sibling. In order to block off their guilt, they need to block us off because we remind them of their guilt.
My one healthy surviving sibling lives states away. He has had no contact with my mother in years, even when she was hospitalized & in rehab for over a month this year.
He calls me around 6-10 times a year. He needs me to be smiley and positive and take care of him emotionally when he decides to call or he doesn't call me for a longer period of time.
My son, on the other hand, moved across the country without telling me. I don't have an address for him.
I have a three year old granddaughter that I haven't seen in a year and a half. You might think that I was a murderer, abuser, drug addict, alcoholic, criminal, or something.
Even then I think I would deserve more mercy than what I get for choosing to take care of people that are distasteful to him. Try to explain that disappearance to someone without them looking at you trying to figure out what's wrong with you.
So my mentally/physically ill mom with dementia and my physically and emotionally disabled brother are all mine. I still work.
I share responsibilities for my 97 year old mother-in-law with my beyond retirement age husband who is still working full time in a physically demanding job.
We try not to take our frustrations out on each other. My house is in horrible clutter and disorder. Cleaning house has dropped to the bottom of my to do list, so I can eke out time to read and play word games.
I believe in life after death, so I must have been a real awful person in another life to suffer through this. Christmas with no family except for those needing my help.
Feeling like a nobody to my own family because they want to make their own lives easier and nicer by cutting off all parts of the family in need, including the only caregiver.
Yet, we are supposed to forgive, love, and carry on indefinitely. How?