I Feel Your Pain!
I too, take care of my mom, 91 years old. She has a lot of heart issues and spinal stenosis which makes mobility very limited. She too requires a lot of care; I do everything for her.
We moved her in with us, my husband and I, 12 years ago, and the last 6 years have been brutal. I too am a shut-in. She can't do anything for herself, so if I go out, I have to be back within a couple of hours.
Even when she's been hospitalized, I stay with her 24 hours a day. She's scared to be alone, so I stay. My back is bad, my neck is bad from all the years of practically lifting her.
I have now developed arthritis in my hands from the years of putting on her compression stockings. She's become very picky about everything she eats...she used to live on oatmeal and bread and butter, or so she said, when she lived on her own.
Now, god forbid that she should eat a leftover.
Even when I say that I don't want to cook some nights, I still have to cook for her. No sandwiches for my high maintenance mama!! And the woman has me well trained, I'm her little monkey!
She never asks for anything, she doesn't have to. I anticipate all her needs. I can't completely blame her, I helped create that monster. I was so focused on making her feel comfortable here with us, that I catered to her hand and foot...and now, she plays these games.
Sometimes, after a meal,
as I'm cleaning up, I see her looking over her shoulder at me, and she'll continue to do this until I finally ask what she wants, and then she tells me. And I swear, she does it so she can say she asks me for nothing. Some days, I just want to scream!!!
Some days I tell her exactly how I feel, and that all her little games, and pretenses drive me crazy, but I may as well be talking to a wall. I get that she's exercising control over little things because she's lost control of so much, and I do feel badly.
What a way to end your life...but sometimes I feel as though the only way to get my life back is for her to die. That's not what I want, but it is a reality.
My brother lives about an hour away, and comes by maybe 3-4 times a year. My sister is 4 hours away, and hasn't been her to see her for 7 years!!! (we've never had any issues with our parents, had a great childhood, they're just selfish).
I've had 1 vacation in the 12 years, and last year we went to see our daughter and her family, (little grand-daughter and baby grandson), and I had to jump thru hoops with my brother to get him to stay with her.
I brought in a PSW, all he had to do was make her lunch, dinner and get her pills, and he put me thru hell before we left. We're stuck, stuck, stuck!!!! and they're going to live forever.