I Feel Like I've Been Robbed
I feel like I've been robbed of quality time with my mom in her old age. I've lived in her home with her for almost six years. I'm happy in the morning when I get up with my plans for the day.
As soon as she gets up, I get irritated. My brother lives a couple of states away and calls her every night on his way home from work. Commendable but the conversation lasts ten minutes.
When he comes to visit twice a year he sits patiently in the chair next to her and answers her repeated questions. He's here for three days. He has so little involvement with her, he gets to keep her on that pedestal of his mom.
I don't have that relationship with her. The grand kids call occasionally and they have the grandma relationship. They love their grandma. They see her maybe once a year. I have the caregiver relationship with her.
Sometimes she is like raising a child. I have to tell her what to do and argue with her about doing it. I have to be stern. I have to be in charge. I have to answer her repeated questions constantly and yet there is no conversation or communication. I run the house, serve the meals.
I have to keep all this going to maintain the life she wants. In her home, with her daughter. She is hardly my mom anymore. She has become a responsibility. A duty. Yes, I love her but I don't get to like her the way I did when I was living on my own.
I feel like I keep a rest home for one person. I end up feeling trapped. Any of her behavior that might be considered winsome or cute for an old person is lost.
Anything I might've enjoyed with my mom in her old age is no longer possible. Living with her 24/7 has wiped out all the good stuff. I feel like I will never get that chance to really see her for who she is as she ages.