I Feel LIke I Just Want to Be Free of This

by Beth
(New York)

My mother has had vascular dementia for over 2 years. I am the youngest of three and because I am not working at the time I was the one who took over the care until we could get help. I moved back home to help and being in the place I grew up has just brought back unhappy memories for me.

Plus the fact that I was the one who did all the paperwork to get my mom an aide, while dealing and seeing her descent into this illness daily.
Nobody understands me, one sister couldn't care less as she doesn't live with her and barely sees her.

The other sister lives with her also but works every day so she is gone and hasn't had to deal with this like I have.

I am looking to get back in the work force now that she has an aide and that is very frustrating as it isn't that easy anymore.

I feel so angry all the time and I find myself losing my temper with my mother and my sister who lives here.

I just want to run away and be left alone. I want my life back and I feel stuck because I cant afford to leave at this time.

I know I must sound like a horrible person but I am not, I am just tired already and I need a break.

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Your not alone
by: Anonymous

I cared for both my mom 92 and still do for my dad 97 for six years now.I hold a full time job but I have no life whatsoever. Mom passed away last year and left me with dad. Nobody wants to take care of him. He's a good guy but he is a debater always has been and people don't want to deal with that.

The other thing he does is suffocates us with food shopping. I hate food shopping so since I prolong going to the supermarket weekly he said we doesn't get fed which blows my head. Mind you we have enough food but his obsession of getting out of the house for the ride blinds him if we don't go out and he will say we have nothing to eat.

Ive gotten to a point if disliking him and getting depressed. At times I feel I will never have my life back. I'm 55 going onto 105 the way I'm feeling. At times I feel okay but at times I want to give up although I have the help I get from an CNA. Dad has no problem making one feel guilty just don't get why he doesn't want to be just okay with whatever life has given him..peace and quiet and not confined to a nursing home where no one wants to be at.

You're Not a Horrible Person At All
by: Anonymous

Most of us feel your pain and can relate to your situation. I, too, moved back into my childhood home to take care of mom. The years just keep going by.

Most days I rally to the challenge but when I truly let myself feel my real feelings I feel hopelessly stuck until this whole thing ends. It can get very depressing at times. Over the years my once active life has gotten closer to the level of my moms and she's 96!

I just don't have the same motivation and enthusiasm I once did to be doing things outside the home. Besides working, in the evenings, I get a meal together, clean up, do chores and then there we are, sitting in front of the TV together like a couple of rest home roommates.

I'm starting to not care anymore. I fear by the time I do get my life back, it will be too late.

And to be in a situation where you literally are waiting for someone to die is ludicrous and depressing in itself. I don't know the answer. I've run out of rally points. I just keep going.

I feel for you
by: Anonymous

I am going through a similar thing, but in my case, I have a sister who attacks me. She's always hated me, and that has carried over into adult life.

Fortunately, she is not physically here, while I'm at my mother's house caring for her. I never imagined life to be like this -- I married but never had kids.

Anyway, I wish this site showed dates on each post, because it's impossible for me to tell how old or recent your post was. I hope you are doing better and have a modicum of normalcy in your life!

Believe me, I know how hard this is. I feel like I am in a constant state of heightened stress and anger.

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