I Feel Like I am a Slave to my Elderly Mother

by Richard
(Kansas City, MO USA)

I have been living at home with my parents for my entire life with the exception of going away to college in the mid 1980's. I was never encouraged to find myself or make it on my own. Both my parents wanted me to stay at home with them.

I had a good steady job/career working at the telephone company for 17 years. It ended in 2009 after a corporate merger forced me to walk away.

My parents never seemed concerned for me that I lost my job. I filled out application after application for new employment but nobody was doing any serious hiring back in days of the great recession. I more or less gave up on being able to find any decent employment.

I was able to do some odd jobs around the house and my father gave me money as needed so I could continue driving my car and seeing my best friend. I used to travel a lot in years 20's, 30's and 40's. Have not been able to take a vacation since 2008.

My father passed away in 2011 from a stroke.

Living with my widowed mother has taken a toll on my health and well being ever since. For starters, my mother has memory problems. I sometimes think she does not even remember my father. She is as helpless as a newborn kitten.

My brother and I moved her out of the home we lived in for the past 50 years. We thought it might be good to start over in a new home. My mother seemed very excited to be moving into a new home. In fact, it took us nearly two years to find our dream home.

Anyhow,

it has now been about one year since we moved in to our new home. Mother has the master bedroom and bath on the main level of the house. My brother and I have bedrooms upstairs.

We thought this living arrangement would provide for some needed privacy. Guess we were wrong.

Mother continues to climb up the stairs everyday. Sometimes as often as 20 times a day. She fell down the stairs several months ago but didn't hurt herself. I fear she will have a serious fall and break her hip one of these days.

My biggest problem with my mother is that she does not want to stay at home. I have to take her out for lunch and dinner everyday. Sometimes we go out for three meals a day. Oftentimes, after eating our meal, she insists on extending the outing by looking around at stores. She just doesn't want to be at home.

Seems the only thing we do at home is sleep. My mother will not let me leave her at home alone.

My brother continues to work his job but I am forced to be a live in slave to my mother. I have lost almost all contact with my very few friends. I feel cut off from the rest of the world.

I just do not know what to do. I hate living like this. It makes me feel so hopeless about the future. I know the stress of living this as is taking a toll on my physical and mental health.

My blood pressure has gone up from 120/70 to as high as 160/95 in the past couple years. My eyesight is terrible and I have dizzy spells and ear canal problems.

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I Feel Like a Slave, Myself
by: Sheila

Hi, I read about your situation and can sympathize with you. I have both my parents to look out for and I feel like they never encouraged me much, either.

Instead, they were so focused on my older sister who has had mental problems ever since I was in the 10th grade and she was in the 12th. It has always been about my good 'ole sister, who was so smart in high school.

Now, my sister is in a long-term mental facility and she still is the focus. I get so tired of hearing my mother on the phone with her, her therapist, the lawyer my parents hired for her, or one of her sisters or friends talking about her. You would think I didn't even exist.

Now, I am the one left holding the bag, having to take care of my parents, the housecleaning, accompanying them to see my sister, who is almost 3 hours away every other Saturday, and helping them out around the house.

At least you have a spacious home and you can get away from your mother by going upstairs to your room. I live in a small home, which is their home, and have no income, no car, and no hopes of a job.

I hate the town I live in because there are no decent job opportunities and there is nothing to do here. I am very miserable and I, too, feel like there is no future for me. So, believe me, you are not alone!!

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This is Driving Me Crazy!
by: Me - US

For a little under two years, I've been the main one in the house doing everything for my grandmother.

Everyone else just seems to expect it from me and does what they want to do for her if hey feel like it. My anger boiled over yesterday at my grandmother.

I told her that her laying around all day every day expecting me or everyone else around her to babysit her is not fair and that she needs to get in the habit of doing things for herself. She then told me not to worry about her anymore and I feel guilty and frustrated all the time. I don't know what to do!!!!!

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Mother is a pest
by: Anonymous

I woke up around 8am this morning. Mother has already come up to my bedroom several times. She brought a couple shirts with her and asked me which one she should wear. She does this often.

She will not make her own decisions. She told me that she wants to get ready to go out to lunch. I tell her it is only 9:30am and to go back downstairs and make herself a bowl of breakfast cereal. I told her I was not going to go out to lunch until around 1pm.

She came back upstairs around 10am and asked me when we are going out. Is it 10:30? No I told her. I reminded her again 1pm. She left my room only to return 10 minutes later to ask me when are we going to go out? It is so annoying. I go through this every morning. I am so tired of this. She has no friends of her own to go out with. I suggested adult day care but she refuses.

She told me that she is going to go back downstairs and rest in bed until it is time to go out. I suggested she watch television but she was not interested. She cannot turn the television on herself. Too complicated for her.

I turned it on and she just walked away from it. no interest in television at all. Oh well. . . What can I do?

I cannot leave the house and go out and do something on my own for my sanity. It us not allowed. Just seems like I am expected to waste away my time attending only to the needs of my mother. Will it ever change for the better? I doubt it. Maybe I should tell her doctor about this and maybe he can talk to my mother. She won't listen to me.

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Find some relief
by: Anonymous

Hi,

There are elder care programs, please check into them, sometimes you can drop your parent off several hours a day from you to have some time to yourself.

The challenge will be convincing your mother it's a great outing. Maybe try to find your mother some companions her own age and drop your off for a luncheon with them and come back and pick her up. You have to find some inventive try to get some relief, try exercise Yoga has been very helpful for me.

I am sorry your going through this with your mother. I am worry about you please find some counseling or someone to help you.

I have a suggestion for the stairs you can put a baby gate at the bottom with a lock on it. That way she can't go up the stairs. Tell her your afraid she will fall down.

I know you love your mother like the rest of us using these postings but at what expense it's not fair for you to suffer!

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