I Feel as if I Hate my Elderly Father

My 83 year old mom died the Saturday before Easter Sunday this past April after a 6 year annihilation from Alzheimer's; the last year she was bedridden and my dad couldn't leave the house.

The two years prior to her being really sick, he simply kept her doped up on sleeping pills; she slept constantly and only got up to go the bathroom.

After repeated falls off the toilet in middle of the night, he realized he couldn't keep doping her into oblivion.

For three years, my sisters and I tried to get them to have someone come in for a few hours to help and allow my dad to leave the house. They would have nothing to do with it.

She still knew us at the end and the last 8 weeks my sisters and I moved in the house and took care of her 24/7. He did nothing. The last week she was in a medically induced coma at home with hospice (I can not say enough great things about hospice care).

During that week, he demanded we clean out my mother's clothes, her dishes and her collections of porcelain boxes and clocks. In the entire 9 months since she passed, he has not mentioned her once. Not once.

He started looking for a 'girlfriend' before my mother was dead and finally landed a real winner. They moved into her house within 2 weeks of meeting and he abandoned my moms 13 year old little dog there at their house, coming only to feed him and get his mail.

After three months, they are engaged although my dad says he told her he didn't want to get married. He has a Fireman's pension and 60 acres
of pasture with a pond with the house he and my mom lived in for 41 years.

He acts like we are all supposed to be happy for him when our mom hasn't been dead 10 months. I feel as if I hate him and all the years I pretended he wasn't a horrible father and husband, are crashing down on me.

My sisters and I want to scatter her ashes per her wish in the spring but now he's acting as if we have nothing to say or do about his decision to scatter her ashes.

He told my husband that he's thought of dumping them when there's a 'good north wind' and my husband told him if he did none of us would ever forgive him.

The final straw for me is 2 days ago she told him she wants his pension and the land and it's his and he doesn't need to pass it on to his family, etc etc..bad mouthing us that we don't need all of the land, she only wants 1/4 of it and that we'd probably sell it within 6 months.

This land was purchased by my grandmother in 1953 and my dad and grandfather built a cabin by the pond where all cousins and family would go when we grew up. Parents built their house there in 1974 and this 71 year old gold digger wants it.

She supposedly has $600k nest egg and lives in a very upscale senior living place where she paid $135k to get in plus a $1300 a month mortgage. He says he's not marrying her but he still at her place. I hate him for so many things and am ready to walk away forever.

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So sad
by: Chris

I haven't met you obviously just was messing. About for some sort of advice really ! :) I am so saddened to hear of your recent loss .. I lost my mother a long time ago..when I was fourteen. I'm now fourth five lol.

My father was an alcoholic and beat her a lot and he was a thief and done time for it plus drink driving. So there was a lot of trauma and neglect. I found it hard growing up so I'm quite a trouble person but I've tried to do my best. But have found it difficult to hold down a relationship.

So for going on but I just lost my partner and have his mother with me . Not tough choice. I find her hard to live with. She can be so nasty and selfish. Cheeky too.

You have not had it easy either! It sounds like this woman is a gold digger. Your dad is very disrespectful. It's so frustrating to watch someone you thought you loved treat your mums memory like this.

You must keep a close watch on things. I'm not clued up on things like wills or stuff. It's just horrible for you and very distressing my heart goes out to you honest. There's no quick fix.

You have to just try get on and rise above it. Your mum wouldn't want all the upset but it's not your doing so it's a shame for you as well. I can only advise that maybe you should try and either have a chat or write a honest letter stating how all this is affecting the family.

He may choose to listen but only time will tell? Otherwise it could be too late . Then that would be worse situation on your hands all together . Good luck be calm chris :)x

Me, too!
by: Anonymous

This story is mine exactly. My mother died after a long battle with Parkinson's disease about 8 months ago. I helped take care of her and watched her die an agonizing death from pneumonia. The hospice nurses were very supportive and absolute angels.

However 2 days after the funeral my Dad insisted we get rid of all her clothes. Not to soon afterwards he matter of factly held up his hand one day and said he took off his wedding band (after 67 years of marriage) and didn't need it anymore.

I found a bottle of wine in the refrigerator which I found odd because my Dad never drank wine in his life. The label on the wine was called "The Seducer". I came to find the wine came from a woman 14 year younger than my 88 year old father who attended the same church as my parents. She visited my mother and claimed to love my mother.

She now lives with my father and my dad's explanation was that he can't live without a woman. My dad has money and land and I feel that she too is a gold digger. The grand kids are devastated with the desecration of their grandmother's memory, especially by this woman who claimed to love my mother.

I am at a total loss what to do. I live several hours away and can't be with my father that often. Any advice out there?

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