I Feel as if I Hate my Elderly Father
My 83 year old mom died the Saturday before Easter Sunday this past April after a 6 year annihilation from Alzheimer's; the last year she was bedridden and my dad couldn't leave the house.
The two years prior to her being really sick, he simply kept her doped up on sleeping pills; she slept constantly and only got up to go the bathroom.
After repeated falls off the toilet in middle of the night, he realized he couldn't keep doping her into oblivion.
For three years, my sisters and I tried to get them to have someone come in for a few hours to help and allow my dad to leave the house. They would have nothing to do with it.
She still knew us at the end and the last 8 weeks my sisters and I moved in the house and took care of her 24/7. He did nothing. The last week she was in a medically induced coma at home with hospice (I can not say enough great things about hospice care).
During that week, he demanded we clean out my mother's clothes, her dishes and her collections of porcelain boxes and clocks. In the entire 9 months since she passed, he has not mentioned her once. Not once.
He started looking for a 'girlfriend' before my mother was dead and finally landed a real winner. They moved into her house within 2 weeks of meeting and he abandoned my moms 13 year old little dog there at their house, coming only to feed him and get his mail.
After three months, they are engaged although my dad says he told her he didn't want to get married. He has a Fireman's pension and 60 acres
of pasture with a pond with the house he and my mom lived in for 41 years.
He acts like we are all supposed to be happy for him when our mom hasn't been dead 10 months. I feel as if I hate him and all the years I pretended he wasn't a horrible father and husband, are crashing down on me.
My sisters and I want to scatter her ashes per her wish in the spring but now he's acting as if we have nothing to say or do about his decision to scatter her ashes.
He told my husband that he's thought of dumping them when there's a 'good north wind' and my husband told him if he did none of us would ever forgive him.
The final straw for me is 2 days ago she told him she wants his pension and the land and it's his and he doesn't need to pass it on to his family, etc etc..bad mouthing us that we don't need all of the land, she only wants 1/4 of it and that we'd probably sell it within 6 months.
This land was purchased by my grandmother in 1953 and my dad and grandfather built a cabin by the pond where all cousins and family would go when we grew up. Parents built their house there in 1974 and this 71 year old gold digger wants it.
She supposedly has $600k nest egg and lives in a very upscale senior living place where she paid $135k to get in plus a $1300 a month mortgage. He says he's not marrying her but he still at her place. I hate him for so many things and am ready to walk away forever.