I do not Know What to do Anymore!!!
(Savannah, GA, USA)
My husband was diagnosed with cancer last year, but is in remission at this time. He has had a few pin strokes also. But he has been doing very well.
His 83 year old mother has always lied, been very manipulative, hateful and cunning. She has pushed away every one in family, stays in a financial mess and would never take her medication as prescribed.
So, ends up in hospital every time. She got very ill about 7 months ago and was in hospital again. Once better, physician would not let her go home unless she had a caregiver, or would send to nursing home.
No one in family, 2 other brothers, grandchildren, etc. would not help out and still doesn't. So, We agreed "reluctantly" to move in with her so she would not lose her home, etc., but with some grounds rules on when it comes to her medication, finances, etc.
We forgave her for how she treated us in the past and prayed "maybe", it would be different. I quit my job to take care of both of them! Well, she did fine for about 4 months. Now, she is much better and for the last few months has refused to let anyone help with her finances, medication, etc.
She has gotten herself in a mess again and is starting the games again. I have been taking care of her and my husband, but told my husband that I was going to have to go back to work and find a place to move. He is really distraught about this, but at the same time, says he goes with me, but also has guilt about leaving her.
Says, I need to be patient. But, he will not sit her down and let her know the problem. I feel he needs to do this, because it is his mom and if she gets upset with me, causes issues. If she gets upset with him, she doesn't. I don't know what to do anymore.
I love my husband more than anything, but why am I stuck doing the caregiving and "fixing" things with HIS mom. I always try to do the right thing and be nice and pleasant, but I am constantly getting migraines and I am sure it is the stress. I feel so helpless.