I Decided to Walk Away......

by Jane T.
(California)

I lived overseas for over 20 years. After my mother passed away, my husband and I decided to resign from our overseas posts to return to our home country to care for our elderly father.

My older sibling, who lives 2 minutes from him was overjoyed to hear this as it would take the pressure off her.

As soon as we moved over, her visits became non existent unless she wanted something from our father or needed us to help her with her family.

Things were fine for the first two years, then my father started to complain about the food and threatening to marry a new wife so he could get the unhealthy processed food my older sister used to buy him.

He then started visiting my older sister and telling her lies about how we weren't caring for him the way we should. Instead of discussing this with us, she calls my younger brother and tells him. Then suddenly we are the evil ones in the family.

I received a nasty email from my younger brother, who has not been in touch with anyone, since our mother died, telling me I am to stop abusing my father. When I ask my father about this, he denies everything and says he hasn't spoken to any of my siblings about any such thing.

I confront my sister, who threatens me and says she will be caring for my father because that's what children who love their parents do.

I was totally traumatized by this and just could not understand why my father was telling so many lies about me and not talking to me about any of the complaints he had. Whenever he needed money, he would only ever ask me and never my siblings since they have both borrowed money from me and never paid me back.

I have gotten used to being the cash cow for my family and didn't mind so much since I know I have the means to assist my family when they needed me. However, after the apparent ganging up behind my back, I decided, enough is enough.

You invest in relationships because the return you receive through love and mutual respect is priceless, but now I realize, no one, apart from my deceased mother, in my family loved or respected me enough to find out what was going on with my father, or to give me the benefit of the doubt and that maybe my father could have been telling "old man lies".

So, I have walked away from this unhealthy family and decided to have nothing to do with any of them. I know I am a good person and I refuse to be disrespected by these people.

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It's Difficult, but it Has to be Done
by: Anonymous

Thanks for your words of encouragement m in santa rosa ca! I like you, I miss certain aspects of my relationship with my siblings, but when the negative outweighs the positive, you do need distance.

As you said, if you hang around the unhealthy, you will become sick.

Warm smile

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Congratulations
by: Anonymous

Dear Jane,
Congratulations! I admire your healthiness! I can relate to the sibling back stabbing, etc. I wish it weren't true but it is and I too have had to keep my distance now.

Even though I long for my sister she is not a healthy person for me to be around. If I was married to someone who treated me like my siblings have treated me people would be telling me to get a divorce!
Be Well Friend.
m in santa rosa ca

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