I Care for my Mom, Would not Want to Place Her in Nursing Home.

by Lindy
(New Jersey USA)

I have been caring for my mom for the past 8 years. She just moved into my home after a fracture. I did have mom in rehab for her fracture, and I saw the type of care that is offered there, very sad, and this place was suppose to have been great.


I experienced guilt constantly, I lost my job,and spend most of my time going to therapy,doctors, and other things that helps with mom quality of life. I look back and remember all the things my parents did for me, and this is just a little of my time? years? Most of my time I am thankful everyday that she is still here. I do have help, and she is cognitively still fine, she has physical problems, which we deal with everyday.

I get frustrated, but I am a nurturer at heart, a retire nurse, I love caring for others. I am married, empty nester, and I hope to take sometime away, with my husband. I have a great home care agency that provides me good caregivers, but I have not been away from mom at all yet.

My doctor tells me to go away to relax, it will make be a better caregiver. I want to know has anyone used a live-in for their parent for short term,(1week to 5days)? I have to let go off my insecurities, and fear, that something will happen to her while I am away. I want to be there for her, but I also know my husband and I need a break. Guilt, guilt, that's the hardest! I do not have support from my sibling, thank God for a wonderful husband, and son.

I want to give my mom excellent care, and strive for that each day, but I neglect myself to make sure she get what she needs.

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PSW in the Home
by: Anonymous

Hi there,

I am having a really difficult time with an issue very similar to yours. My mom was involved in a car accident two years ago that resulted in a broken hip, femur, fibula and tibula.

She has had three surgeries and now needs a lot of physical assistance such as walking or standing. She requires professional help in a rehab facility but we cannot find one for her.

She may be moving to London to live with us, but I am really nervous about having a random person (PSW) in my house to watch her while I am not home.

The idea of it makes me really nervous and anxious.

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Wow.
by: Anonymous

I am now putting my mom in long term care. There comes a time when we must trust others and realize that they can as we do make mistakes and we just have to let go and let God.

My mom was bed ridden, only up for 4 hours a day with a Hoyer lift. We only get 2 hours of support a day and hiring more help was out of the question, they are deadly expensive. Even if we could get more help, my mom and her boyfriend still wanted me there when the PSW was there. My mother almost died because she became ill at home and refused to go to the hospital.

My brothers told me I was crazy for caring for mom at home and they were right. The stress was killing me and I was exhausted beyond all reason. My husband missed me, my work was way behind and whenever I did anything, groceries, doctors etc. I had to watch the time and carry a cell phone and always rush back.

Find help. Trust them and spend time on yourself and your husband before it's too late.

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Go Go Go!!!
by: Anonymous

Lindy, if you trust the caregivers then please go away with your husband and take time for yourself. You owe it to yourself and your Mother is right. You will feel better when you return and that means you will take better care of her.

I was in your shoes and kept putting off doing things with my husband because of my Dad. Did not want to leave him. Feared something would go wrong WITH HIM while I was away. Now my husband has passed away unexpectedly and I am still taking care of my Dad.

Do I have regrets I didn't take any time for us - you bet - and now I am learning to accept that things turn out the way they are suppose to. I am having to learn how to deal with my regrets. I can tell you with all honesty that dealing the the loss of a spouse is the toughest thing you will ever go through so don't waste one minute on your life.

This is not to say ignore your Mother - there IS a way to do both and you need to find that way. Do I miss my husband? More than life itself but I can't change the past. Go away - you won't be sorry. And look at it this way - if something does go wrong with your Mother while you are away - then it is God's will and you will survive that - must better than surviving the loss of your husband. Been there and don't wish it on anyone.

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